tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327689822024-03-07T14:22:08.445-05:00Small & Big| The Writings of P.L. FrederickP.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.comBlogger660125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-10717266996150914452016-12-02T12:00:00.000-05:002016-12-02T12:00:10.525-05:00Shovel TroubleHey. You know how it snowed? And there was snow on your car? Well I’ve got a surprise for you. It‘s not any more!<br />
<br />
I know. Let’s jump up and down. How’d the magic happen, right? Well I went outside in the cold and cleaned it off.<br />
<br />
You're very welcome, my pleasure, no trouble at all. I almost enjoyed being outside in the fresh air. Anything for you.<br />
<br />
Oh, by the way. Just a small thing. In the future, maybe after the rainy season, you may see a tiny bit of rust. Like a line of it here and there. Mostly on top of the car but also on the hood and trunk areas. Roughly where snow would be if your good friend here hadn’t cleaned it off wayyyy back in winter. <i>Brrrrrrr, </i>right? Gosh it‘s cold.<br />
<br />
From the shovel scratches, silly. You <i>shovel</i> snow, you don’t kiss it away. I was shoveling the sidewalk and the next thing you know I was being helpful to you. Steel-bladed shovels work great! Yeah, let’s go see how great it looks.<br />
<br />
Look there. Isn’t that friendly, that one almost says “Hi!”<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-89500140992374947022016-09-19T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-19T12:00:22.372-04:00Help Me Choose A Tinder Profile PicI can‘t decide. Which is a better profile pic on Tinder? Me as the madam of an 1800s Gold Rush town or me standing behind you at the bank thinking about cutting my toenails later?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW7CqAWRXayjiMRuEXoguhHS1XcxMoWqcpEeX3pTCxLKG6_cdjauFtGq28wZ0cP3zzcJ-Cgeex0WG5poDl8nCO-FDx2Lgi5tRZm206Ar9IGPFtTqFlrYFVCSu8xyzmvjHqAkuujg/s1600/picture-woman1.jpg" width="350" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Choice A) </b>Madam of an 1800s Gold Rush town</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJwS6N6GEKzj0ZMOkiJZ6K8tOKp2ne172-8cow7m0IQMsxP04lmUbujsJDgUmAwNDF5_uBwVmq0hNT6iDoq7cY9sb3SAMcny-IHDAzCv3P98jawX2ZEbrywZIZqVj4babpC313gg/s1600/picture-woman2.jpg" width="350" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Choice B)</b> Me standing behind you at the bank<br />
thinking about cutting my toenails later</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Vote by commenting.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-2592008197815263622016-09-16T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-16T12:00:01.640-04:00The Massachusetts Snowplow IncidentDear <i>Plimouth Sentinel,</i>
<br />
<br />
I can assure you that the statue toppling of our earnest and forthright town forebear, the Honorable Judge Moses Carbuncle, onto the town green was an unintended consequence of the zoo stampede, mostly of the hippo. Let us accept this as an act of Nature in truth, and on the insurance claim. Please permit me to explain the events as I encountered them for it is my hope that my fellow citizens will see clear to forgive and, perhaps more importantly, to forget what was previously announced in this venerated newspaper.<br />
<br />
As you know we experienced quite a snowfall last Monday night. You’ve heard of everything going black? Well everything went white. Ha ha! I, like my agreeable neighbors, possess a driveway that I employ traveling to and fro. The following morning I brought out my trusty Massachusetts Snowplow, a white pick–up truck I call Wendy, and proceeded to clear my driveway. <br />
<br />
As you know, the Massachusetts Snowplow is less plowing, more smushing. There is no actual plowing. However, one cannot simply drive out to the street and back a couple times. That creates car–ensnaring ruts and snow plateaus. No, the properly executed technique is to drive out real slllllow, letting the wheels and weight of the truck pack the snow down, then when you reach the end, U–turn a couple inches over and drive back real slllllow. Repeat. Flatten everything and the course is rendered suitable for even the weakest car to transverse. It’s an art really.<br />
<br />
I’d put 35 miles on the odometer when the first helicopter landed, barring my way. <br />
<br />
That’s where the chicken comes in.<br />
<br />
I keep a flock of chickens. Fine laying hens. One goes by the name Wendy, like the truck (no relation). She is as white as Colonial Sanders, minus the teeth. On that fateful day Wendy traveled with me. I can still hear her serenading: “buk-buk BOK.” Mile after mile Wendy, Wendy, and I pleasantly packed powder.<br />
<br />
Who could have known I’d actually driven miles from home? That I’d Massachusetts Snowplowed the town zoo, stormed the gates and monkey house, freed a dozen buffalo and the hippo, and come to rest upon the town cannon? If I hadn’t seen the helicopter footage and Bloodhound Trailing Report, why, I wouldn’t believe it myself.<br />
<br />
Those choppers startled Wendy, I can tell you, and she immediately laid an
egg. I never seen such power come out that end, that egg literally punched the
accelerator! Nature’s Will be done. When Wendy’s egg hit the pedal, the heat from Wendy’s tailpipe ignited the cannon, which shot off the Honorable Carbuncle’s groin.*<br />
<br />
It was the defecating hippo that toppled him. The hippopotamus is rated the 10th most dangerous animal in the world for a reason.<br />
<br />
Snow Blindness is an actual medical condition I am not making up. Too much white, not enough depth. White world, white Wendy, white Wendy. Even the hippo was albino, her coloring somewhere between Cotton White and Beach Cottage Veranda White. Certainly, had I known, I would have done things differently during the zoo expedition. But that’s the thing about blindness, often you’re the last to see.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, remember: All animals were safely returned and I pay taxes in this town.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
Concerned Citizen<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>* His life-size head and </i><i><i>14-foot mustache </i>were spared.</i></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-45805771161696985812016-09-14T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-14T12:00:23.547-04:00Overheard At School Play<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>“For one of my son’s plays he had to write up a little bio. His bio says he's been acting since he was five. He's nine. No way, I say. He insists. He has been in a lot of plays. He was the lead in ‘Sleeping Beauty.’ They changed it to ‘Sleeping Handsome.’”</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
—Anonymous</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-9802621190001306762016-09-12T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-12T12:00:00.213-04:00The Last Diaper<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>“Like many girls, our oldest was a piece of cake. She woke one morning a few months before her third birthday and declared that she was going to wear 'big girl underwear.' Just like that, she was done. Our boys, however, paid us back with interest. Both of them had to be dragged into the bathroom and cajoled with promises of presents and special treats. Our middle boy would only sit on the potty if he could listen to '70s-era country music. To this day, every time 'Rhinestone Cowboy' comes on the car radio, I involuntarily check the back seat.”</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
—C.J. Kaplan</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-71728134965949197782016-09-09T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-09T12:00:12.588-04:00Dogs Do Too Have A Sense Of Time Passing<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2122-nSuxieTX2uViqJmymwQpx3QcnPnCuhB4JTCryEmbI_ChM_e1V5aVefFCezp8ZySZSDG1QoePKR15rnLBg_WE_kmNSH3WfhYjR9mWIpes1vfrbZ7CW3x5Aqx4ZFrqJPIKZA/s1600-h/logo_amiglia-matic3.png"><img alt="The Small and Big Amiglia-matic" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5229304220845854786" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2122-nSuxieTX2uViqJmymwQpx3QcnPnCuhB4JTCryEmbI_ChM_e1V5aVefFCezp8ZySZSDG1QoePKR15rnLBg_WE_kmNSH3WfhYjR9mWIpes1vfrbZ7CW3x5Aqx4ZFrqJPIKZA/s400/logo_amiglia-matic3.png" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: right; margin: 0 0 10px 10px; width: 350px;" /></a>Dogs get all excited when we come back in the house, it doesn’t matter if we’ve been gone three weeks or three minutes.<br />
<br />
Some scientists see this as evidence that dogs (heh heh, first I typed it “dongs”) cannot distinguish the passage of time, that neither Mr. Wigglebutts III or Miss Poppy doesn’t notice the difference between three minutes and three hours.<br />
<br />
Hogwash.<br />
<br />
The real reason is dogs are happy to see their people. Happiness, pure and simple. <br />
<br />
How do I know?<br />
<br />
Your dog told me.<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-58877664604564833172016-09-07T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-07T12:00:03.507-04:00A Cow Can 'Digest' You Out, Daily<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>“A typical lactating Holstein produces about 150 pounds<br />of waste—by weight, about two-thirds wet feces, one-third urine—each day.”</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Henry Fountain, New York Times</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-15479961543048943452016-09-05T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-05T12:00:14.601-04:00Chuckle TimeWhen you're interested, you find what you're interested in everywhere, eh? Because you always "look interested."<br />
<br />
Never thought of <i>Time</i> as a humor rag but I'm interested in humor so I came across Joel Stein's review of the KFC's Double Down sandwich, the one with fried chicken substituted for bread buns. Do they still sell that? I got to this part and laughed out loud:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="My only problem with the Double Down is that it's the saltiest thing I've ever eaten that wasn't salt." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Gl2_BPW6UgxmRMniES-Oz3rw4WIDS_jtE1U0VWLBUVgS6wmJhgcSp_K9v1A-HW554OBhj3IzRTeJ3-tqZ_WFtV5EDmE5qb4f_E8JrQFsFhAg6qodCl3WTxkhmANu3raPlpa8Zg/s1600/saltysaltsalt.png" width="400" /></div>
<br />
Here's a fun diagram by illustrator Jason Lee on how foods would be eaten if the bread part wasn't included:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8fZG01nNTZ4OT14FTqi4xcYTB0d777EekstbRCYfnlJTVxLH-es5VS9ktZOQfsjXUQ63dTD3SDKZACLI4Ccugu6H0N72z8SMgCt2DOxtYccyakaLZHYCetgs81RE7O3n3SVxPOQ/s1600/holdthebread.png" width="400" /></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-9782975292553046462016-09-02T12:00:00.000-04:002016-09-04T14:23:18.117-04:00Wedding Vows, If They Were Actually HonestThe following romantic vows are suitable for pretty much any nuptials. <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I promise to cherish you forever but will snatch the last cupcake for myself.</li>
<li>For the rest of our blessed life together I promise to get our anniversary wrong by at least a month. </li>
<li>I won’t listen to your advice until it’s coming out my mouth.</li>
<li>{Farts that sound like} “Never. Hog. My blanket.”</li>
<li>I will become vegan for two years. (It will feel much longer.)</li>
<li>A love of Shakespeare will provide
untold opportunities for me to mispronounce weird words in public, like <i>swoltery</i> and <i>quatch. </i>My vocabulary won’t get gooder</li>
<li>I pick only you, and my nose. </li>
<li>I will never tighten lids or close cupboards but I will always love you. (Should you ever become trapped in said jar or cupboard, You’re welcome.)</li>
<li>People shed. Expect to find my loose hairs knotted around your junk. Unless they’re yours.</li>
<li>I promise to rewrap chocolate bars to appear there’s nothing been eaten.</li>
<li>Once a week, when you least expect it, I promise to slowly stick my
naked behind out, scratch it and slowly retreat it back. I do. </li>
<li>Brain cells may be killed. Spiders may not. #Bugzooka</li>
<li>Hope you enjoy the same seven foods I eat the rest of my life!</li>
<li>I complain a little bit. Okay a lot. But in that cute way you see on
“Cops” where that guy got shot in the stomach so he jammed his fingers
into the hole to stop bleeding but it’s been weeks now and the stomach
skin grew around his three fingers so now they’re stuck.</li>
<li>I’m not expecting to ever die. This will cause trouble later.</li>
</ul>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-81348860396764093202015-03-13T15:30:00.000-04:002015-03-13T15:30:00.432-04:00Design Funny... Yes, You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdV2u-prPaT96g3ivs91a7-5DDkG0XiEgmeYrY0abiuDgxfIO3oIzXQrUsb25ye4pnaRD3LH5bOl_v8DtKlyNsbXJQUk2zr2UkI9mnvPGjNi1r9iIKHYdz20VqZ-0ftJsw46GfxA/s1600/Design_Funny_Cover.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdV2u-prPaT96g3ivs91a7-5DDkG0XiEgmeYrY0abiuDgxfIO3oIzXQrUsb25ye4pnaRD3LH5bOl_v8DtKlyNsbXJQUk2zr2UkI9mnvPGjNi1r9iIKHYdz20VqZ-0ftJsw46GfxA/s1600/Design_Funny_Cover.png" /></a></div>
<br />
Oh boy! It's time to stop taking graphic design so seriously.<br />
<br />
All-natural, free-range and gluten-free, <i>Design Funny: A Graphic Designer's Guide to Humor</i> is an entertaining yet practical guide to the lighter side of the design profession. Inside you'll find inspiration, advice and visual gags from comedy juggernauts The Onion, Comedy Central, Funny Or Die, MAD magazine, JibJab, Cheezburger, as well as dozens of top creative agencies, talented freelance designers and professional comedians.<br />
<br />
<b>“This book is perfect for design nerds. This book is also perfect for comedy nerds.”</b> <br />
—<i>Emily Flake, Cartoonist, The New Yorker</i><br />
<br />
This book a great! I loved it! It's pack–full of explanations and great visual examples.<br />
<br />
Discover how you can use 42 principles of comedy to transform your visual communication from ho-hum to ha-ha. Find out what your client or boss needs to hear in order to buy into your funny ideas. Learn astonishing facts about design and humor theory from science, psychology and history. <i>Did you know the first dirty cartoon appeared over 10,000 years ago?</i><br />
<br />
<b>INSIDE:<br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">300</span> WITTY IMAGES<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">175 </span>CONTRIBUTING DESIGNERS<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">42</span> WAYS TO DESIGN FUNNY<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">10</span> QUIZZES TO REVEAL YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">6 </span>SERIOUS REASONS TO PITCH FUNNY<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">0</span> BULLSHIT*</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">*</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>May contain trace amounts of bullshit.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Design Funny: A Graphic Designer's Guide to Humor</b><br />
Retail price: $27.99, 224 pages, 8" x 8", paperback<br />
By Heather Bradley (<a href="http://www.heatherbradley.com/">HeatherBradley.com</a> and <a href="http://www.designfunny.com/">DesignFunny.com</a>)<br />
<br />
<b>For sale on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Design-Funny-Graphic-Designers-Guide/dp/1440335494/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426248888&sr=8-1&keywords=design+funny">Amazon.com</a>, <a href="http://www.mydesignshop.com/design-funny">mydesignshop.com</a>, <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/design-funny-heather-bradley/1119640549?ean=9781440335495">bn.com</a> and in bookstores nationwide.</b><br />
<br />
Heather Bradley is a designer, illustrator, writer and educator. She is the former Creative Director of The Cheezburger Network. Her work has appeared on Funny Or Die, Comedy Central Mobile and Memebase, as well as publications commissioned by Penguin and Primedia. She is currently at Razorfish in Seattle.<br />
<br />
Click below to spy the sheet. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ZihPFqJ1BMFYl56ezwLMlhQIDoaHRnw3BbGCE5hSULzN5vUjG2xsIlvZKxGWDsQ9inBlE29cuzfDixNvlemdHAfCMXaPYpoC-iQa0m-hFWxEUSSjo98zwwl-vOFWD-txjfUvjA/s1600/one_sheet_Design_Funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ZihPFqJ1BMFYl56ezwLMlhQIDoaHRnw3BbGCE5hSULzN5vUjG2xsIlvZKxGWDsQ9inBlE29cuzfDixNvlemdHAfCMXaPYpoC-iQa0m-hFWxEUSSjo98zwwl-vOFWD-txjfUvjA/s1600/one_sheet_Design_Funny.jpg" height="640" width="247" /></a></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-58078282173629008812014-11-03T16:32:00.001-05:002014-11-03T16:34:00.860-05:00Looking For Quirky Tees?Put some cartoons on t-shirts. Fun gift idear. Take a gander at the first... <a href="http://pawluh.wix.com/smallandbig#!duckyhead/coaf" target="_blank">ducky head angel thing at http://pawluh.wix.com/smallandbig</a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://pawluh.wix.com/smallandbig#!duckyhead/coaf" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7IfiZpsxeJeVZstVlgFRhkrNwBa1tuigZdmVQrWkPchHyKqevsivV0T6BxMP5S4eIosH6AgbUR7aEOBctqATQeCQSVxtJlOejqBDvCUIWbsRxKuPKZOfO9T_djWhsbTg77mLYg/s1600/ducky_angel_head_thing_tshirt-rd587fc6b8eb343ee92a3ea8b70f0561e_8nax8_512.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a><a href="http://pawluh.wix.com/smallandbig#!duckyhead/coaf" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUD6qSj-ADZ44Z1sXlaIcEzEwgkKO0JZllJql_J3kO_tgYun-g0k3RxUqJ9w6mrG3zgdCRRPotBqVPd4a0Dq3FdjcTvjQzUqsHsBi7olfypnhwJp6TyKZRP9AgtxPTAWdQtIjL8w/s1600/ducky_angel_head_thing_shirt-re8c558ffe7924fdcbdb2e2434e1061ca_804gy_216.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com1Duxbury, MA, USA42.0417525 -70.672276741.947426 -70.8336382 42.136079 -70.5109152tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-5516353220093996952012-08-03T14:00:00.000-04:002012-08-03T14:50:45.868-04:00Turn A Stupid Idea Into A Successful Humor Book [video]<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3MxmtyejFD0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<br />
This is great. Humor writer and author Tim Bete presents: <i>How I converted 7,000 hours of work into $10 hard cash and then turned a single stupid idea into $37,000.</i> He discuses publishing, editors, ideas... helpful stuff for any writer. He presented at the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop. Runs 58 minutes. Warning: Enjoy!<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-6394017963353925762012-07-18T23:20:00.000-04:002016-09-04T10:44:59.628-04:00Official Rules Of Dog Football<br />
<ol>
<li>Each player acts as their own team; i.e. three players equals three teams.</li>
<li>Ball gnawing is encouraged.</li>
<li>Football must be transported by mouth ONLY. Transportation of ball by mouth with other players attached is permitted, so long as others are also attached, by mouth, to ball.</li>
<li>Should ball roll into a hole, anything goes; i.e., head bonkings.</li>
<li>If a player stands upon football, no other player may touch it EVER OR ELSE.</li>
<li>Any player wearing a leash may clothesline all players, including self.</li>
<li>Players signal a Personal Time Out by laying down and end it by getting up. Number of Time Outs is limited to infinite.</li>
<li>Players may draft sticks into play, like in pinball where extra balls come on the field for no reason.</li>
<li>Game ends when players notice a squirrel or bird and run off.</li>
</ol>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-24319099136039729162012-03-28T11:00:00.002-04:002012-07-18T23:15:21.030-04:00Help A Teenage Michael Jackson Impersonator (Keith Knight)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29CbGY3ECZOcfjlcHZcuRNTVDH56CKu6ja6yhtKAuDWw73fM_BF8nF2o1hrDIpc6T3Yffu2ldL0aSajpiKMkziysR1hBSO0Nz525prXJFeyRkvsfwhtoH7h1oyvnIT0DY-exJvA/s1600/littlevics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29CbGY3ECZOcfjlcHZcuRNTVDH56CKu6ja6yhtKAuDWw73fM_BF8nF2o1hrDIpc6T3Yffu2ldL0aSajpiKMkziysR1hBSO0Nz525prXJFeyRkvsfwhtoH7h1oyvnIT0DY-exJvA/s400/littlevics.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Update: He did it! Keith Knight got funded for his Michael Jackson project, with the help of good people like you. In fact, on April 6, 2012 he exceeded his $40K goal.</b><br />
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I've long appreciated Keith Knight. He's the man behind one of my favorite cartoons, <i>Life's Little Victories</i>. Keef is giving away three old illustration sketchbooks, he will draw you into an upcoming published cartoon, he will come to your town and present his famous slideshow (I have seen it, it is great) and cartooning workshop, he will lip sync a Michael Jackson song in your living room — all because he was a teenage Michael Jackson impersonator, and he wants, no, NEEDS to share this story with the world. Pledge to support him in this 2-year endeavor the whole world needs right now, laughter, and in return he'll give supportors cool stuff like the above and more. For as little as $5! <a href="http://kck.st/xHdRb6" target="0">Check out the details of his project over at Kickstarter</a> and the related news story at <a href="http://content.usatoday.com/communities/popcandy/post/2012/03/cool-kickstarter-keith-knights-mj-chronicles/1#.T3McqXjlRBR" target="0">USA Today</a>.<br />
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Hurry! This chance ends at 3 pm on April 6, 2012.<br />
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More Keith: <a href="http://www.kchronicles.com/" target="0">The K Chronicles</a>, <a href="http://www.knightlifecomic.com/" target="0">Knight Life</a>, <a href="http://david-wasting-paper.blogspot.com/2011/12/keith-knight-cartoonist-survey-251.html" target="0">Cartoonist Survey #251</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-42837863286883660162012-02-10T17:00:00.000-05:002016-09-04T10:47:35.580-04:00How To Get A Puppy<b>What You Need For This Project</b><br />
1 Broom<br />
1 Dustpan<br />
1 Floor<br />
<br />
<b>Directions</b><br />
<ol>
<li>Using the broom, sweep dust, dirt, and debris into a pile. The tidier and more perfect the pile, the better. In fact, go ahead and thoroughly sweep your entire living space. Does the tidiness make your heart sing? Perfect.</li>
<li>Wait 30 seconds. From out of nowhere a curious puppy appears, sniffing the pile. Before you can say “Oh no!,“ they are sitting on it, licking it, rolling in it, throwing it, just whooping it up. Your living space is ruined!</li>
<li>Make a grab. With a forward motion of your arm like you’re scooping a puppy into a dustpan, scoop the puppy into the dustpan.</li>
<li>Congratulations on your new puppy. You should probably move.</li>
</ol>
<div>
<b>Note</b></div>
<div>
Also works on kittens.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-18253125391559738242012-02-01T17:00:00.000-05:002012-02-01T17:00:02.167-05:00Tongue Chair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="400" width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheCIqUBQ9yWhfOHG49KNpXaehi-ZV37g9q3Y6ziWYeSdzhJPTMGSCjpGI0PppXpvT0mPt59GT0jIXXuoZmOpjmgKu1cROgxGvYVfkOj5pkhndjW9vK7PS99nQS7ojANuL-nu1HKQ/s1600/tongue-chair.png" alt="Tongue Chair" /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-30193831920319101392012-01-31T17:00:00.000-05:002016-09-04T10:57:05.032-04:00Astronaut<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="Astronaut Astropup" border="0" height="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUhFOyr9CMHBn-BfjS57qTdLKn8hsAMhW0LfLYLT2KQxkOsppsQ0UMBAtGjAw5nDw4HQp0mIhyphenhyphensTHLLOtNKesA6nL0GHplspNFU-Z7-hKVFYAOYwM2REiI4_N1lvPXBq6Mrxm5Hg/" width="500" /> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b>Astronaut or space alien?</b> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
A little of both. This is Doppler, one of my dogs when he was a pup. He got dried tongue licks around the <i>entire</i> inside perimeter of his plastic cone. Scientists are still studying how this is possible.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-30319932954177044272012-01-03T17:00:00.000-05:002012-01-03T17:00:01.575-05:00Top 10 Kindness Stories Of The Year<a href="http://www.helpothers.org/"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="75" width="333" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5b3u9GHDGXZ6P-tzwYDtsBK6MF95v0OuYgKS73IAeWI21OCNMPf_EuJrtxLRu4N2n8oGukLZ7U32VGV0zGzgJtBwVpJ4TlKfBu4fd8kNnl1GthyphenhyphenEGahP3lVkcM1txYhKhkc_j9A/s1600/ho_plain_logo.jpg" /></div></a>
<br />
Look for kindness, for love, for hope and joy and you will find them. Here are five stories to keep you in the mood, from <a href="http://www.helpothers.org/">HelpOthers.org</a>:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=25237">Today You, Tomorrow Me</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=741">Flowers That She Couldn't Smell</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=27645">Home Is Where The Heart Is, Even For The Homeless</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=27259">Remembering Kindness 41 Years Later</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=26594">A Beautiful Act Of Pay-It-Forward</a></li>
</ul>
You can read all ten stories of 2011 kindnesses at <a href="http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=29442">Top 10 Kindness Stories of 2011</a>.<br />
<br />
Do you have a kind act you've performed, experienced, or even heard of? Please share it. <a href="http://www.helpothers.org/store.php?pg=share_story">Tell HelpOther.org about it here.</a><br />
<br />
Here's to twelve months of kindness in 2012!<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-55371673663643567912011-12-05T17:00:00.000-05:002011-12-05T17:00:00.053-05:00One Christmas Day My Cat Knocked The Tree Down Three Times [video]But that's nothing compared to what Simon's cat accomplishes...<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="254" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nn2h3_aH3vo" width="500"></iframe><br />
<br />
I love everything about Simon Tofield's <i>Simon's Cat</i> cartoon animations: the writing, the sound effects, and especially that they're drawn in simple black-and-white outline. You can really see how a simple, well drawn line, moving through time, can express mass and volume. So well done. Watch more adorable feline atrocities committed by Simon's cat at <a href="http://www.simonscat.com">www.simonscat.com</a> and on YouTube at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/simonscat">www.youtube.com/simonscat</a>.<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-10221291682287061532011-11-30T13:00:00.000-05:002011-12-04T19:17:38.911-05:00The Tantrum [video]<i>"I can't let (my parents) know I have super powers. They'd only worry."</i><br />
<br />
This is the first cartoon my pal John Fountain did. It's called <i>The Tantrum</i> and it aired on Nickelodeon at like 3 am on a Sunday at the dawn of the 21st Century. It is autobiographical. This is the first time I've seen it because SOME people don't tell some other people stuff. As far as I know it is the only instance of Putting Out Fire By Giving It The Raspberry. A pity. (If the military jumps on it they'd call it POFBGITR. That's pronounced "PUFF-bah-giter" and help generals say "puff" more.)<br />
<br />
Without further a-doo-doo here's <i>The Tantrum:</i><br />
<br />
<div align="center">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TS6RhKS9SOs" width="480"></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
Also, Fountain's better half has a good blog called <a href="http://tokidornottokid.blogspot.com/">To Kid or Not To Kid</a>. Will she or won't she kid herself? Go there and peek.<div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-61095454707251165342011-09-21T11:30:00.000-04:002011-09-21T11:30:01.527-04:00Comedian Stephen Fry's Idea Of Greatness [video]<p align="center">Truly great people help others to feel great too.</p>
<div align="center"><object id="flashObj" width="480" height="270" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=718689286001&playerID=651017566001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAAGuNzXFE~,qu1BWJRU7c26MMkbB19ukwmFB5ysvYz5&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=718689286001&playerID=651017566001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAAGuNzXFE~,qu1BWJRU7c26MMkbB19ukwmFB5ysvYz5&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-18234797472579767742011-08-08T17:00:00.028-04:002011-09-14T15:04:34.175-04:00Socks And BourbonWhen I was 12 years old my horse had a stroke and had to be put down. It was a warm, green, summer morning. I looked out the kitchen window at his body, lifeless and lying in the corral. Over in the barn there was movement and I saw Socks, the white-footed tabby and matriarch of the barn cats, walk out of the barn and towards the body, followed by a single-file line of the other dozen-or-so kittens and cats. From inside the house I thought, “Oh no, they’re going to eat him.” When the slow parade reached the body, the cats sat down about two feet away, in a long, evenly spaced arc, smelling and looking. After some time had passed, Socks stood up, turned around and walked back to the barn, followed in orderly procession by the others.
<br />
<br />
Even 30 years later I am touched by this memory.
<br />
<br />
This horse (Bourbon Jim was his name) had been a huge high-strung Thoroughbred, but he was gentle and considerate with the cats. Once when I came home from school I found three kittens on his back. I couldn’t figure how they got up there. This kept happening until one day I saw: The little kitties, with their little needle claws, were climbing up his front legs and up over his sides to sit atop his back. Bourbon didn’t even flinch.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>These are mine, but you can read Marc Mekoff’s stories at </i><a href="http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=28"><i>Emotional Lives of Animals</i></a><i> over there at </i><i><a href="http://www.dailygood.org/">Daily Good</a>.</i><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-64648553385334364502011-05-01T17:00:00.002-04:002011-05-01T17:00:03.020-04:00Fly Hot Plate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" width="532" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggpZVa0Epd-YGi1rrdF7KkFOIFxrZKd9UlGQ915c0s4GrIDVlH8tAUssWG-ondPXJtwbaYXB8JS5_1gL752j_njxgYNPSOR3qBRtl4H-18DAVxmNV8eCLmPkW_h_zQCfLkNMMoBg/s1600/may2011-smallandbig.png" alt="Fly: Ah, to awaken upon a bed of wild rice." /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-44087450948667802011-04-05T17:00:00.002-04:002011-04-05T17:00:02.882-04:00Yoga For Yanks [video]<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5XtX74pB-3k" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32768982.post-69583546925410109552011-04-01T17:00:00.002-04:002011-04-01T17:00:03.798-04:00Weigh The Pros And Cons First<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_HkYmI13wgONou1jTv3TprP3bqd-Ez6glGo12OG0yKNkfEF4jth8fJ6qg50Q-4VrQ5mkxKB-EkXh00FVzVmP_Cjonp82xIjDReOkffMpUYrgKc53UbbeMWHPQBxLPeCkCh19DXA/s1600/april2011-smallandbig.png" width="532" alt="Two dogs at the vet's office: It was a mistake getting on the scale. I weighed 7 times more." /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">©2016 P.L. Frederick. All rights reserved worldwide.</div>P.L. Frederickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13598443239343593305noreply@blogger.com1