What Not To Say On The First Date

• “I am wearing sacred underwear.”
• “Honey, you’re in for a real treat tonight: I’m a beekeeper!”
• “Thank you, thank you! Now, for my next fart I’ll take requests. You, at the back table there, in the big diamonds. Name a song or large animal.”
• “I’m bilingual: I speak Klingon. nuqDaq yuch Dapol?”
• “I love cats. You can’t beat a calico kitten for flavor.”
• “Shush, I’m texting!”
• “Let me check with my mommy.”
• “Ooh, the laxative just kicked in.”
• “This isn’t a date.”
• “Thou yeasty common-kissing barnacle! Sorry, but I suffer from Shakespearean Tourette’s. Do you like seafood?”