Baby Bottom Business

I see a lady changing diapers. She is young, slim and fashionably dressed, with long black spaghetti hair that hangs over the boy like a curtain, and privatizes one end of him. Not the end where the pants would be. She tilts him like a big bottle being emptied out onto the table, holding the little guy’s feet way high up in the air and wiping his bottom clean. And no, I don’t politely look away. Something about this domestic scene is... puzzling. His pudgy naked legs are the length of a toddler’s but that’s not it. Adult and child are behind glass, within some kind of business. I smell petrol. Wait, wait a minute: let me get my bearings. High-strung taxis honk-honk at snowflakes (check); shivering people brush me by (check); beneath my boots, gruesome-gray sidewalk slush (check). All evidence points to my being outdoors. The woman and child, they must be indoors. A place with tables and chairs and signs, at street level. I am out here and they are in there. Public, private. Out here a cannon-ball of a stranger nearly bowls me over. In there, those two, they are behind the floor-to-ceiling window of a... could that be a...? Inside, waitstaff stand at a pastry counter. Copper espresso machine. Soft naked baby butt flattened against a granite and glass table. Yes, yes that is a restaurant. The boy, a living centerpiece, lays spread-eagled on the commandeered table, the setting accented by a white, wrinkly vase. Except it’s not a vase. It’s a used diaper wad. Above the domestic childcare scene tall antiquey gold letters read, “Fine Specialities” and “Fresh Pasta.” I politely look away. One quick step and I’m swept away by the living sidewalk. New York City, I see through your white pampered underbelly.

Comments

Jenny said…
*giggle* I don't think I want to eat there. Incredibly bottomless imagery, P.L.!
Maureen said…
Now THAT's a table I don't think I'd like to eat at...

Great writing!
Anonymous said…
I hope that's one of those things about which you would say, "Only in New York!"

I was mesmerized by your writing.
P.L. Frederick said…
Hee hee! Yeah, this is the kind of place where you make a to-go order and it means somebody actually did GO. Shudder. Don't order Special #2 off the menu!

The memory of this scene would be less disturbing if it hadn't been a nice looking restaurant. And if the wait staff were in a tizzy. But I don't know: maybe that's how fancy chocolate's made.

(Thanks, A. Decker! You're my favoritist reader of the day. Wait... the week!)
Anonymous said…
That's disgusting. Some people have no common sense -- or class. I hope the management threw her out right after you observed her behavior.
P.L. Frederick said…
Disgusting and completely, excessively, disgustingly unsanitary. Ugh! I keep thinking: it must be illegal, right? But the wait staff standing around didn't seem to mind—so I assume it's a-okay in NYC to change a dirty diaper on a restaurant table. (Mental note: Be sure to ask for non-diaper seating.) I was walking by on the sidewalk when I happened to see the dirty scene. Let's imagine that after I passed by, management expelled her. And that table.

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