The Spoon, Most Noble Of Eating Utensils

Forks can’t hold their sauce and knives are bloodthirsty killing machines. The spork is an evolutionary dead end, like the mule. Chopsticks are contingent on a pinching technology that utilizes not one but two sticks—two! As if one weren’t pricey enough. And really, isn’t a chopstick a skeletal knife or a one-pronged fork?

Phew! Let’s take a moment now to cleanse our auras of negative flatware vibrations and the fact that in my excitement to impress I typed the word utilize instead of use. Take a deep nose-breath into the lungs and belly. Hold, hold, keep holding. Okay now, release, release through the mouth. Release those negative ions. Every last ironic ion on or in us. Breathe ’em out, way away. They need not tarnish the upcoming spoon-fed vision.

For, hark! The noble teaspoon: superior, trusted, and true. Tasty even. Ponder this morsel: You’re stranded on a deserted island with only one eating utensil. What would you choose to be stranded with? I say, Let it be a spoon and let it be a sweetly desserted island!

But don’t just take to my learned advice—consider that of William Shakespeare. For it was he who wroteth, “He hath need of a long spoon that eateth with the devil.” Did the Bard mean that the spoon would protect users from bad food? I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Probably. And I type the word with great conviction, my fingers confidently pressing acquiescent keys. Firmly, you understand, but not hard enough to damage my keyboard. Shakespeare could have written, “He hath need of a long chopstick that eateth with the devil.” He could have substituted fork or knife or long-handled shovel. But he did not. He did not. And that’s his way of saying you can’t go wrong with a spoon.

I believe I’ve admirably proven my opinion. If this proves not the case I’ll eat my words. But only with the spoon, most noble of eating utensils.

The lovely spoons above are from a company called James Robinson. Wow, I’m reading their site and these spoons appear to be handmade! Spoons are so deserving of this. I forget where the Shakespeare picture comes from. You like Shakespeare? Check out my previous posting, Shakespeare, Spelling, And 1¢ Gingerbread. More of my opinion regarding spoons at The Spoon: Superior Speciman Of Eatments. One can never get enough.