You're On My Mind, For $1,000

It has not escaped me that I have a somewhat profuse forehead. Or rather, a fivehead.



The “high forehead” was thought to be much attractive in the 15th through 16th centuries, when wealthy gentleladies plucked their way to highbrowed beauty. Admirers took note of the greater brainpan and refined intelligence. (“My, my. Look at thee fo’ead on that one. Hubba hubba.”) Alas, today we no longer live in the Middle Ages, those pox-filled days of easy beauty. Those of us left behind, showing proof of high intelligence as we do, need to make do. So....

One day, a dame with a dome has a bright idea: Advertising Revenue.



Then an even better, more refined idea:



But a genius idea needs geniuses to buy into it. That’s where you come in. For example, say you’re an overpaid advertising executive. You’re gearing up to promote a dentist, electronics giant, and/or hemorrhoid creme. Or household goods and Sea-Monkeys. I don’t need to explain to you the power of the visual medium. So, without further ado...



And... bam!



A good advertiser recognizes a successful cross-marketing brand partnership when they see one. I know you see it! What you have here is a surefire means of creating viral marketing (so called because it makes people sick). That creates Word Of Mouth, three of the most precious words to an ad exec’s ear besides Three Martini Lunch. This is how trends originate. Soon, the popular crowd, stars and rich folk, are buying your product, service, or mascot. Then the followers, the little people, the consumers. And that’s why they call them consumers: they eat this stuff up, then return for seconds. Thirds. Fourths. Fifths. Need I go on?

Now before we get carried away, know that what you’ve seen so far are only quick concepts. Zippy, off-the-cuff examples. Throw-aways. Nice though, huh? On the final solution you will see class. Sophistication. Refinement. There’s a little thing I call “white space”—a wee space around elements, a little air. I employ white space so that the eye has room to wander around, to lose itself, to take a relaxing holiday, perhaps a weekend in the country on its way to reading the message in the advertisement. This makes the face feel rich. And the brain thinks it can afford both dental work and Sea-Monkeys. Let’s also reduce the ads to two per run. Maintain a stance on exclusivity. I’ll further help by increasing the price to $1,500.

So now—finally—here we have a fully rendered mock-up:



The piece speaks for itself! I’ll give you a moment of quiet alone-time with it to decide how many you want. Here’s a couple of my business cards. I also do catering on the side. My right side.

Comments

Dave said…
Hi, I saw a comment of yours on some site or other, possibly with boobs in the title. But don’t worry I’m not a fruitcake, I’m just daft as a brush.

Anyway, I read a few of your posts and found myself laughing, so I thought I’d leave a comment to say thanks for the laughs.

That’s not really a symbol for a dentist is it? Come on, you can confide in me.

Cheers,
Dave.
P.L. Frederick said…
Unfortunately, it is a dentist's logo. Kinda puts one off dental visits, eh? Or not. Maybe it's two married dentists? They do it twice a year.

Given the amount of curiosity I've heard about this logo, stay tuned for an upcoming juicy Small & Big post on it.

Thanks for dropping by, Dave! (I'll be you came over from Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper.) And, for leaving the spiffy comments. You made my day!
Sid Leavitt said…
So that chick holding the chick really is you. I think your advertising scheme is great. Sorry, gotta go. Dental appointment.
P.L. Frederick said…
Woo-hoo, my dentistry fivehead ad works!
P.L. Frederick said…
BIG OCTOBER SALE – For the entire month of October, you'll get an ad on my fivehead, hand, or contemplating chicken at the astonishingly low price of just $800.99! That's almost 50% off the actual price, depending on my pricing at the time! Wow, that's less than you'd spend on 800.99 cups of coffee! Act Now! Don't Delay!
Dave said…
There's surely nothing like a fivehead ad to bring in the customers. The world's banks will be on the phone to you any minute now to secure a fivehead the population can depend upon. Oh yeah sista!
Anonymous said…
I love your way of thinking about your forehead, it's unique and original. Most people wouldn't ever thought about such idea. Very creative. And funny too hahaha :D
P.L. Frederick said…
Isaac, now you keep talking like that and you’re gonna give me a big head. An even bigger head. Hee hee!
Political Humor said…
Been reading humor blogs all day and this page was the first to make me laugh. I may take you up on that sponsorship offer.
P.L. Frederick said…
Thank you very much, Political Humor. That's the highest praise I've heard, direct from a true humor aficionado. I'm swooning.

For you, today, act now for the astonishingly low, low price of just $1,499.99. It could be per hour, per day, or per year. I'm keeping it flexible.
M. McLuhan said…
What if you died during the term of the ad run? Would you sign a no-cremation clause? Just thinking about this new advertising medium gives me a headache. Wait a minute, wait a minute, I can use my OWN head! Hah!
P.L. Frederick said…
Excellent question, M. McLuhan. I am contractually obligated to not die whilst under agreement, should you come to your senses and sign one. I assure you that my five-head is far superior to any billboard space out there. Far!

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