Small & Big

Choosing the proper lettuce, with all the varietals available today, can be chancy. In a recent post (which I’ve since corrected) I typed that my dog won’t eat raw mescalin, which, apparently, is a very good thing. Mesclun is that fancy multi-leafed lettuce you get at the grocery market; mescalin (or mescaline ) is from a psychotropic plant. Phew! I am grateful the good folks at PETA or the U.S. Government did not catch that mistake. What would my Mom say?

5 Tips Guaranteed To Improve Your Text Messages These invaluable yet simple-to-implement tips are culled from How to Write Telegrams Properly , a small booklet composed by Nelson E. Ross in 1928 about over-the-wire (or online, get it?) communication, which has been in popular use since 1835. For today’s modern application the word “telegram” has been replaced by “text.” Employ Less Words Naturally, there is a right way and a wrong way of wording texts. The right way is economical, the wrong way, wasteful. If the text is packed full of unnecessary words, words which might be omitted without impairing the sense of the message, the sender has been guilty of economic waste. A man high in American business life has been quoted as remarking that elimination of the word “please” from all texts would save the American public millions of dollars annually. Use The Proper Address Clear, complete addresses are desirable not only from the point of view of the sender, but also from that of th

“These are the kind of numbers you deal with only on a cosmic scale... (it might make sense if) Bank of America has branches on every planet in the cosmos.” — Sylvain Cappell New York University’s Silver Professor at the Courant Institute for Mathematical Sciences Although it seems like a story made up by The Onion , the tale is true. ( More info here. ) Dalton Chiscolm is suing the largest U.S. bank, Bank of America, demanding “1784 billion, trillion dollars,” plus an additional $200,164,000. One billion, trillion is a 1 followed by 22 zeros. That’s larger than a sextillion, or 1 plus 21 zeros. That’s also larger than the world’s estimated 2008 gross domestic product: $60 trillion. A trillion has 12 zeros. May this lawsuit result in better customer service for us all, in every solar system.

White rice Brown rice Raw mesclun lettuce (unless there’s cat/dog competition nearby) Above: Godzilla, the “What’s that you got in your hand there?” Manchester terrier. Her former name was Kibi Shita, so if you’re wondering what became of your dog, she’s here and she’s runnin’ the joint. P.S. Today I Learned The Difference Between Plain Old Lettuce And A Psychedelic Drug

A: Amanda McKittrick Ros (1860-1939), Victorian scribbler and the most awful writer in the English language. (Also reputed to admire her works were Mark Twain and Aldous Huxley.) Lewis’s literary group, which included J.R.R. Tolkien, held competitions to see who could read her work aloud the longest, with a straight face. According to Nick Page , author of In Search of the World’s Worst Writers , her second novel Delina Delaney “begins with possibly the most baffling opening sentence in any literature”: “Have you ever visited that portion of Erin’s plot that offers its sympathetic soil for the minute survey and scrutinous examination of those in political power, whose decision has wisely been the means before now of converting the stern and prejudiced, and reaching the hand of slight aid to share its strength in augmenting its agricultural richness?” Amanda McKittrick Ros specialized in romance novels, with plenty of trembling bosoms, longing looks, and lots and lots of alliteration.

Remember this one from Saturday Night Live, where Seth Meyers interviews Will Forte as Robocall? Oh, ’twas nutty during campaign election time.

I re-colored a previous cartoon, The Afterlife , and also corrected a wonky eyeball. Although I enjoy a bright color palette I’m thinking my cartoon style may work better with gentler color. Here’s the result. Thoughts? Opinions? Insults? Do share.

(Click it to biggerify.) Have you ever had your pet mistaken for something totally weird? Besides my Manchester terrier being mistaken for a beagle, once my cat was mistaken for a dog. Also, a human baby.

A Riff Raffi cartoonoid from Alex Raffi. His blog’s at www.riffraffi.com .

“Won’t you try my jam?” “Urp.” “Won’t you try my jam?”“ “Eeuhhhhhh.” “Won’t you try my jam?” “Blorb.” Click image below to biggerify. Poor Dorie Greenspan, jam and stomach ache maker.

Caroline exits the bathroom, walking quickly. David used the toilet just previously and waits for her. “Sorry,” he says, “I don’t flush the toilet every time I go.” “Oh, is that a water conservation thing, reducing the number of times the toilet flushes and saving gallons and gallons of water every time?” “No, it’s sentimental.”

“When I was starting out as a comedian, I went to see an agent one time. He said, ‘We’ll call you if we need anything.’ As he was talking to me, I looked over at his trash can and saw my picture torn in half there.” — Jay Leno in Parade magazine

    We were both born in August of 2006, that's how. Astrologically, we're Leos. Growl! Also, we both have seven or more fans and/or followers. Here's a posting from our very first day: On The Job Joke, An Honest For-True Story . Such youth and innocence. That was before we moved on to bigger fish, like spoons and flies , and before the awards . Ah, birthdays. Remember Small & Big's second birthday in 2008? Hah ha! What a blast. The artisans are still crafting replacement furnishings for the manse. I have since moved on to larger accommodations, but the memories are dear. Especially the hangover one. So, be sure to follow me at plfrederick on Twitter ; and Tweeters, when you're on Twitter, but not Twotter or Twutter, come visit Twitter's twin, Small & Big. You can even bookmark smallandbig.blogspot.com , but hurry, while they still make bookmarks. And books.