Small & Big

Are you a mover and a shaker? A decider? Do you put the “man” in “ man agement” (and in “wo man ”)? Duh, or you wouldn’t be here today. Now that we’ve finished our three-hour vodka martini luncheon, I’d like to share something important with you. It’s about the Memogenda on your steel gray decision-making desk. The spiral notebook in embossed Leathertex paper. I don’t care what Irish illuminated manuscript calligraphers say, paper is so much easier to write on than dead animal skins. And the Book of Kells could have cut off a hundred years if those monks had Bics. ( At left: Unhappy monks. ) That’s but one reason why I so love my Memogenda ( at right ), and consult it for many a critical business decision. The system is simple to “manage” (har har!) and, if you open to Page 1, you’ll see the necessary instructions. I shan’t go over them. Do it yourself: thanks to the unique Memogenda system I’ve leaned to delegate. After mastering the system you’ll find the answer to “Can I fit in a

Ennio Marchetto ( website ) performs in paper. At 100 cph (celebrities per hour), playful costumes transform him into Dolly Parton, Eminem, Marilyn Monroe, Celine Dion, and others. The video below made me laugh, and maybe it will you too. Warning: Contains show tunes.

This poem is composed entirely out of Subject lines from my spam email. Each line, by line, is painfully unedited. Dearly Beloved Living out on the porch: our new all-weather wicker collection hotplate bayberries unimaginable BENEFIT hit the deck with our grasshopper chair Did you authorize Mr. Louis Henrik? Respond urgently evocatively Please I Need A Trustworthy Person... Monday May 05, 2008 foretooth Please Hear me Good day to you Good Day

The UK’s Queen Elizabeth II and I are real close. Why, just last week she emailed me an urgent dispatch entitled, “Irrevocable lottery payment.” The message begins, “Dear frend, treat Urgent to Proceed” and then goes into detail about needing my Social Security Number and bank accounts. Her agents are depositing lottery winnings directly into an overseas tax-free account for me. I won’t go into further detail, as she urged me to speak to no one concerning this matter, but I think you catch my drift about the friend thing. So I was a trifle surprised about a blurb in yesterday’s Parade Magazine . You think you know somebody—until you find out what’s in her purse. Turns out, Lizzy totes around family photographs, dog treats, crossword puzzles, a make-up case, and good-luck charms. Appropriate items for a life of leisure, I’ll grant: except that last one. This is the woman Forbes Magazine conservatively says is worth £280 million (equivalent to $800 zillion billion, US). This is the wo