Small & Big

Oh boy! It's time to stop taking graphic design so seriously. All-natural, free-range and gluten-free, Design Funny: A Graphic Designer's Guide to Humor is an entertaining yet practical guide to the lighter side of the design profession. Inside you'll find inspiration, advice and visual gags from comedy juggernauts The Onion, Comedy Central, Funny Or Die, MAD magazine, JibJab, Cheezburger, as well as dozens of top creative agencies, talented freelance designers and professional comedians. “This book is perfect for design nerds. This book is also perfect for comedy nerds.” — Emily Flake, Cartoonist, The New Yorker This book a great! I loved it! It's pack–full of explanations and great visual examples. Discover how you can use 42 principles of comedy to transform your visual communication from ho-hum to ha-ha. Find out what your client or boss needs to hear in order to buy into your funny ideas. Learn astonishing facts about design and humor theory from scie...

Many say you can’t ever analyze humor because, like dissecting a frog, “You may learn a bit about it, but the thing dies in the process.” Frogwash. We do well to contemplate and understand the world around us, especially the stuff we like, especially the fun stuff. Gene Perret has a unique take on it in his book, “ How to Write & Sell Your Sense of Humor .” Gene writes: I define a sense of humor as the following three abilities: a) to see things as they are b) to recognize things as they are c) to accept things as they are. For example... When would I not be able to accept jokes about balding? First of all if I weren’t aware of it. Many people begin thinning at the back of the crown and don’t even know it’s happening. If you joke about losing their hair to these folks, they look at you as if you’re crazy. Second, if they fail to recognize they are losing their hair. I was convinced for years that by combing my hair a different ...

A Tom Swiftie is a short joke that uses a slightly different double meaning for an adverb. I found this exercise fun, and not as hard as it might seem. It’s an enjoyable way to expand your humor abilities, from Gene Perret’s book, “ How to Write & Sell Your Sense of Humor .” The one-liner must finish with a word ending in -ly , and that final word can be the real use, a new definition, or a brand new made-up word. You’ll see. Read on, and see how I spent Sunday night. What’s in bold is what I like best. “I saw a UFO,” he cried spacily. “This deodorant ain’t working,” the teen sniffed strongly. “Gasp,” his mom whispered faintly. “Students, you have 10 minutes to complete this exam,” the teacher said testily. “I got my barber’s license!” he said cuttingly. “I wonder what it’s like to race the Iditarod,” Lady said doggedly. “Cold,” purred Whiskers catti...

Here, the jokes are buried deep. Bring a pick axe. My temper is shorter than its half life. I’m so green my hair dresser uses a Brush Hog. I’m unluckier than the leprechaun caught smoking his pot o’ gold, instead of drinking it. My face is redder than an erotic periodical shelved at the local library. Stingy? I’m the fourth descendant of a miser. Or would be if he’d had children. My arms are stronger than the Romanian-Limburger dead lift. And a few jokes left laying out in the open... ‘Unfortunate’ is having a job interview while sitting in your fart cloud. Talk about sexy! My lips are so luscious they’ve been compared to Sophia Loren’s... nail clippings. For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

This next assignment in my humor training is to come up with 10 images or symbols for specific words. It’s supposed to give me more colorful gags and better imagery to choose from when creating joke relationships. But if you’re looking for fun stories, skip the exercise and go directly to the links within the text below. Words: Red: cherry, sports car , Chinese flag, ruby, raspberry, blood, anger, embarrassed, bull fighter’s cape, clown nose, Clifford (the big red dog), fire truck Blue: sky, water, crab blood, depressed, cobalt, cold, Ford truck, jeans, Patriots football team, cinema Yellow: mellow, sun, Labrador retriever, corn chips, 24k gold, lemonade, blonde, squash, canary, brick road, coward Green: garden, envy, Kermit the frog, hybrid car, U.S. paper money (Washingtons, Jacksons, Lincolns), naive, dragon, pickle, Ireland, Celtic Purple: nurple (a.k.a. the titty twister), people eater, Prince, royalty, velvet, favorite girl color, the Count from Sesame Stree...

Here’s where I take five celebrities who are noted for a particular characteristic and write a joke about each. Here goes: “Although classical music is becoming wildly popular in Asia, the Dalai Lama doesn’t attend the symphony. He’s into non-violins.” “Scientists discovered a new genetic disorder that is the real reason behind Barry Bonds’ beef-steroid look. Turns out he suffers from Michelin Man disease.” “I hear the Q-tip company recently signed the top lobbyist on Capital Hill. My congratulations go out to Q-tip and Mickey Mouse!” “Everyone’s going Green nowadays. Reduce, reuse, recycle; plant, grow, transplant. Even celebrities. Did you know that Joan Rivers is into transplanting? Yup. Face transplants. Next time you see her, help get her roots established: dump compost on her head.” “There isn’t going to be a presidential election this year. Obama vetoed it.” Well, I tried. For the back...

An aphorism is a short proverb that’s almost a cliche. Here are those I hast corrupted. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach—then out his small intestine, large intestine, and sphincter. Necessity is the mother of Turducken . The only way round is through. That’s how you eat a cupcake. Monkey see, monkey doodle. “Home sweet home” is the beginning of childhood obesity. The early bird catches the worm still passed out on the front lawn, in the bushes, from last night’s party. An apple a day keeps Steve Jobs at bay. United we stand, divided we do our algebra homework. Home is where the heart is. Living room is where the butt is. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. It might be full of noodles. For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

Opposites attract. My next assignment, according to the Comedy Writing Workbook, is to oppositize what I last did. I create jokes that are based on being totally unlike a 49-car motorcade; why Important People cannot ride in the rain. I don’t quite understand it either but here goes. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Motorcade Of 49 Cars Again, the back story: Back in 1988 the head of Russia visited New York City. Mikhail Gorbachev visited many tourist attractions and performed official business. Thing is, he travelled NYC in a motorcade of 49 cars. Now, I’m to create a list of 15 things you wouldn’t associate with a motorcade, that aren’t like cars being driven as a unit. List of 15: broken-down car; a school bus; test driving a new car; backing out of the garage; a parking ticket; sneaking around; a mobile home trailer; locking keys in the car; dead battery; a clown car; hitting a tree; renting a van; fresh apple pie; bugs on the windshield; teenager le...

For my next comedic trick I will attempt to come up with jokes about: A) a motorcade of 49 cars, and B) Important People horseback riding in the rain. Quiet please. I require absolute quiet. This stunt is quite dangerous. (Insert drum roll...) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Motorcade Of 49 Cars The back story: Seems that way back in the 20th Century, in 1988, the head of Russia visited New York City. Mikhail Gorbachev visited many tourist attractions and made official visits. Thing is, he travelled everywhere in NYC with a motorcade of 49 cars. Now, I’m to create a list of 15 concepts that have to do with a motorcade. This’s supposed to trigger joke inventions on my part. First, me list. List of 15: rich man’s subway; designated drivers; going to Dunkin’ Donuts; parade; trying to impress the girls; car sale, buy 1, get 48 free; traffic jam; funeral procession; gas and gas prices; finding parking spots; “I left my wallet in... which car?”; p...

I have been dawdling myself silly. Those in the know, know that it’s been over three months since I completed a step in my humor learnings ( I Can Learn To Be Funny? ). Why? The next assignment sounds easy: take a photo, write a funny caption for it. Unfortunately there’s a block in my mental parts the size of Connecticut, hermetically sealing off “photograph” and “caption” into separate hemispheres. The Corpus Callosum Bridge linking ’em is closed indefinitely for repairs, causing a three-mile metaphor pile up. I don’t know what I’m saying here, but I plan to get back in gear and put the pedal to the metal. Anyone lend me $50 for gas? (Speaking of corpus collosum: you ever read about split-brain injuries in the book, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by neurologist Oliver Sacks? Fascinating stuff.)

How do we do justice to photographic nuttiness? Why, by pairing it with an equally oddball caption. Above is a recap of my 20 caption think-ups. Click each image to spy the caption that goes with it. These photos are something , aren't they? If you're curious where they come from, do check out the comments that go with some of 'em. I think my personal fave is . The photo is wonderfully composed and I got to use two of my favorite words for it.

I've got a memory like an elephant . This also explains my big painted toenails. " Gimme a break! A big break," yelled the hotshot young orthopedist. I hear that drinking like a camel increases your chances of being humped. Think outside the box : avoid allergies to cardboard. In his job he wears many hats . He enjoys it though; it hides the bald spots. Don't cry over spilt milk, unless it's breast milk. Whoever said "life is not fair" probably didn't enjoy carnivals much either. I may be over the hill but at least I'm not under arrest. If there's no such thing as a free lunch , who's enslaving them all? Who would want a bee in their bonnet ? Bonnets are ugly. A picture is worth a thousand words but I'm tired of reading. Remember, anyone claiming to be as busy as a bee has 29,000 assistants. Wow, that man is a tall drink of water ! Luckily, my doctor recommends 8 a day. She didn't just raise Hell , she gave it an allowance ...

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. Pay your exorcist or you'll get repossessed. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents. She had a photographic memory but it was never developed. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention. Circus lions won't eat clowns because they taste funny. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. Be true to your teeth or they'll be false to you. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Image from The Flabbergasted Philosopher (puns too!). Other puns at Learning the Glad Surrender , Joshua.com , and Pun of the Day . For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

As our five regular readers often observe, there are many words used in Small and Big that are well beyond its writer's capability. Well—ha HAH!—not this time. We are taking control over wordiness by making up our own definitions for words that the dictionary stubbornly insists are real. abrogate: scandal caused by the use of "Abracadabra!" to turn political opponents into squeaky old farmhouse gates (unfortunately, nobody noticed the change) carom: sound given off by your automobile as it meditates evince: an Web site convincingly selling men named Vince factotum: large timber sculptures carved with proven truths, revered by scientific and mathematical tribes gravid: an ardent gravy connoisseur, often distinguished by tan colored globs on his or her handlebar mustache orotund: what stock market analysts strive to be—big and round with tons of funds panjandrum: a pita pocket sandwich stuffed with panda bears, jam, and a drum set, and likely to cause heartburn, rabies,...

My definitions are closer to the truth of the words. Do not thouest concur? Buttress: big booty support system Closet: what my cat does to my furniture, drapes, and the dog Contractor: someone with a prison record and a John Deere Delicate: a pastrami-shaped feline Divest: snazzy burial attire Friendship: the best cruiseline Gumbo: Gumby’s toothless twin brother Fandicap: good with hats Hermit: what a female teammate uses to catch balls Inspire: to cause to sweat internally License: the pleasing aroma produced when lice are burned Manifest: a carnival of men; usually involves naked oil wrestling or a chili cooking contest Moral: to need more L’s Pigment: the other white concrete Shampoo: cute, fake excrement Synonym: to sing the dirty parts of a hymn Relax: what to do after the first dose of laxatives doesn’t kick in Rooftop: a dog’s head; the best petting spot on Spot Treason: a straping sapling; a whippersapling Tulips: what chickens don’t have This assi...

This whole humor-malaprop thing is over. Phew! As I mentioned previously, "my brain found this exercise really really-really, reallyreally, really—really—really really, really difficult. Really." I would add to that two things: really and really. But, as with challenges, I learned lots. Like, Malapropism is a real word? And, Even if I had health insurance, treatment for it is non-reimbursable. To recap: Mrs. Malaprop's Affliction: Part I - misuse a word (on porpoise) Mrs. Malaprop's Affliction: Part II - substitute a wrong word and liven up the sentence Mrs. Malaprop's Affliction: Part III - use the right word but the wrong definition Blogosphere, what do you think about my tries? For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

An invisible dog fence? I'll believe it when I see it. Free refills, 75¢ The hotshot hitter didn't win Rookie of the Year this year either. He's single minded about his multiple personalities. The new yoga instructor said, "Watch me and keep your eyes closed." If we were married we'd be divorced. My doctor says this medicine is 100% effective, except for the side effects. My favorite color is 8. Next time I order a new dish, first I'm gonna make sure I like it. Relax! I don't need money. I have a credit card. "We welcome your opinions—just keep them to yourself." As a janitor she possessed great skill: she could sweep the rug under the floor. As a mayor too. Silence speaks to me. "Work, work, work. That's all you ever are." The grass is always greener under the money. You look tired. Have you been sleeping all day? His mental focus is a blur. Overheard at the family picnic: "This cake is awful. Make my next slice smaller....

Monkey see, monkey doo-doo. (do) I can't follow a map. I always was bad at choreography. (cartography or geography) The fashion model's getting a faceloft and breast transplants. (facelift and breast implants) See no, hear no, speak no Evel Knievel. (evil) At the hospital cafe I ordered a banana splint. (split) I think kids are exposed to too much violins on televison. (violence) A big raindrop landed on my lip but it turned out that it's snot. (not) In order to see well enough to drive my car, I cleaned off the weirdos. (windows , but occasionally weirdos can be correct ) A nose by any other name would smell as sweet. (rose) Puffing on a cigarette, the cowboy spoke with a slow withdrawl. (drawl) We just bought a brand new Ford Tortoise. It's green. (Taurus) Even with a war on, today's public libraries are filled with looks. (books) After the study was complete scientists began tantalizing the data. (analyzing) Support your community: buy and eat loco. (local) Unc...

According to Wordnet , malapropism means "the unintentional misuse of a word by confusion with one that sounds similar." I do it all the time. But never on purpose. For this portion of my learning to be funny I've got to figure out how to do it on purpose. This assignment is to make a sentence with one incorrect word and no attempt at being humorous (that I can do!). Here are my tries. At the farm I petted a donkey and a lava. (Let's hope it was actually a "llama.") Be careful around that llama. She'll shirt you in the eye. (The speaker meant to say "squirt" instead of "shirt.") For winter, the vampire bought a fancy new fur escape. (A "cape" would be more wearable than "escape.") There are 206 bones that make up the human gelatin. ("Gelatin" should be "skeleton.") My astrological sign? I'm an Aquarium. ("Aquarium" should be "Aquarius.") This holiday, the whole family...

After a dirty nine-month slog I have finally arrived at Chapter Two of the "Comedy Writing Workbook". Jeepers H. Cripes. Now my assignment is to find definitions of 20 words so as to learn "the nuances of the English language, and how words can be tricky, playful, and useful in creating comedy." All very useful stuff but what I want to know is, How did earlier humorists-to-be cope without Google and WordNet ? bear have: "bears a resemblance" wear: have on one's person: "he bears a red ribbon" give birth: "she'll bear twins" digest: put up with something or somebody unpleasant: "she learns to tolerate the twins" move while holding up or supporting: "bearing gifts" hold or support in a certain way: "she holds her head up high" behave in a certain way: "she bore herself with dignity" bring forth: "the tree bears apples" take on as one's own the expenses or debts of another: ...