20 Sure Signs You're In A Fancy Public Bathroom

  1. Montessori child care available, as is pet sitting

  2. Has its own logo, Board of Directors, public stock offering

  3. Entry requires minimum GMAT score of 500

  4. No weapons check

  5. Shoes removed before stepping onto plush wall-to-wall carpet

  6. Sushi bar next to pee-trough laser light show

  7. Organic urinal cakes

  8. That’s not a door: that’s a Christian Dior

  9. Walls adorned with autographed oil portraits of famous visitors

  10. Usher escorts you to your heated seat

  11. Potty plaque reads, “During use, kindly refrain from grunting.”

  12. Smells like money

  13. Antique toilet paper parchment scroll

  14. Someone else wipes

  15. Wee Wii wi-fi flushing mechanism

  16. Undercarriage wash

  17. Nary an Elvis impersonator in sight

  18. Automatic dispensors dole out soap, hand lotion, latte

  19. Your commemorative action photo will arrive in three days

  20. They’ll never let you in there again!


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