The Television Giveth
Swaddled in a red flannel blanket and sprawled across the entire davenport—which, I have since learned, is referred to as a sofa by everyone not raised around my grandmum—I accidently watch Shallow Hal a third time.
The first time, I laughed when Rosemary asks snide Mauricio about his beloved jacket with, “Is that a Members Only jacket?” He smugly answers “Yes it is.” and she cuts him down with “So what are you, the last member?” The second time I despised the movie, listening to it over a godawful soundtrack of roaring jet engines and a commercial air conditioning system. The third time, today, I laugh when Tony Robbins and his banana hands exorcise Hal’s shallow demons. How did I miss that laugh before? Banana hands?! Hah ha! Was it too new, then too annoying, then just right? Or too hard, too soft, then just right? Either way, it proves Goldilocks’ Third Time’s The Charm rule. Me and my flannel blanket, we’re loving this romantic comedy.
Intermission takes the emotion deeper. The commercial’s romance is depicted in a let’s-share-iPod-earbuds kind of way, with just the right amount of sentimentality from Trojan brand condoms. From the kitchen my better half Pablo inquires, “What are you up to?”
I holler back, “This condom commercial is giving me ideas.”
With a “what?” he’s instantly in the room, alert.
“Yeah,” I say, “this Trojan ad is the most romantic thing on television.”
His chocolate brown eyes smile and we share a gentle laugh. The television volume blasts three times louder and screams, “GENITAL HERPES valtrex herpes partner genital GENITAL herpes bumps CATCH IT!”
And the television taketh away.
The first time, I laughed when Rosemary asks snide Mauricio about his beloved jacket with, “Is that a Members Only jacket?” He smugly answers “Yes it is.” and she cuts him down with “So what are you, the last member?” The second time I despised the movie, listening to it over a godawful soundtrack of roaring jet engines and a commercial air conditioning system. The third time, today, I laugh when Tony Robbins and his banana hands exorcise Hal’s shallow demons. How did I miss that laugh before? Banana hands?! Hah ha! Was it too new, then too annoying, then just right? Or too hard, too soft, then just right? Either way, it proves Goldilocks’ Third Time’s The Charm rule. Me and my flannel blanket, we’re loving this romantic comedy.
Intermission takes the emotion deeper. The commercial’s romance is depicted in a let’s-share-iPod-earbuds kind of way, with just the right amount of sentimentality from Trojan brand condoms. From the kitchen my better half Pablo inquires, “What are you up to?”
I holler back, “This condom commercial is giving me ideas.”
With a “what?” he’s instantly in the room, alert.
“Yeah,” I say, “this Trojan ad is the most romantic thing on television.”
His chocolate brown eyes smile and we share a gentle laugh. The television volume blasts three times louder and screams, “GENITAL HERPES valtrex herpes partner genital GENITAL herpes bumps CATCH IT!”
And the television taketh away.
Comments
Still, as long as you wear the trojans you'll be fine ;)