Plumbing The Depths Of Humor

Humor is everywhere—even in your toilet plumbing. Especially there. Case in point: Go down to your basement and grab Black & Deckers’ Complete Guide to Home Plumbing, the 3rd edition. It’s okay, we’ll wait. Lah dee dah. Humm dee dum dee—Back already? Okay, now read the joke on page 132.

“What do you get if you cross a toilet with a food disposer?”

If you think the answer is “Ummm, sick?” you’d be wrong. Read on.

“It may not be the most pleasant combination to consider, but the answer is a macerating toilet.”

Macerating toilet!

“Macerate,” you ask, “as in ‘to soak fruit or other food in liquid in order to soften and flavor it with the liquid’?”

Sure! I guess. Keep reading.

“Based on the grinder-and-pump unit that is installed next to or behind the toilet, a macerating toilet grinds waste finely enough that it can be pumped upward through a ¾-inch pipe and evacuated—”

“Okay, that’s enough,” you say.

But wait, there’s more! It says here, “these units can be the difference between a quick weekend project and a major remodeling undertaking.”

“What are we talking about? Masceration of Friday’s, you know, occurs over an entire weekend?”

While I have no professional or undergraduate plumbing experience myself, that certainly sounds both unlikely and disgusting. But I do know that the picture here has nothing to do with mascerating potties. Click it to learn a little about NASA’s space hygiene. (It may not mascerate but it sure nasarates.)

Comments

Anonymous said…
And the waste products are disposed of safetly, back into our drinking water and swimming pools.
May 28, 2007
P.L. Frederick said…
When you're thirsty or have to make poo poo, why leave the comfort of your own swimming pool?
May 29, 2007
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shovel Trouble

Hey. You know how it snowed? And there was snow on your car? Well I’ve got a surprise for you. It‘s not any more! I know. Let’s jump up and down. How’d the magic happen, right? Well I went outside in the cold and cleaned it off. You're very welcome, my pleasure, no trouble at all. I almost enjoyed being outside in the fresh air. Anything for you. Oh, by the way. Just a small thing. In the future, maybe after the rainy season, you may see a tiny bit of rust. Like a line of it here and there. Mostly on top of the car but also on the hood and trunk areas. Roughly where snow would be if your good friend here hadn’t cleaned it off wayyyy back in winter. Brrrrrrr, right? Gosh it‘s cold. From the shovel scratches, silly. You shovel snow, you don’t kiss it away. I was shoveling the sidewalk and the next thing you know I was being helpful to you. Steel-bladed shovels work great! Yeah, let’s go see how great it looks. Look there. Isn’t that friendly, that one almost says “Hi!”
Read more

15 Albums That Changed My Life, Not That You Asked

Soundtrack to Disney’s feature length animation, “101 Dalmations,” played on my red portable record player/briefcase — Cruella De Vil rocked. The chorus sings how she made her husband take her last name. What a woman! Too bad about her puppy-skin coat fetish. (And that fat ugly husband.) Debbie Boone’s “You Light Up My Life” — For a third grader who enjoyed singing herself to sleep with sad tunes like “Leaving On a Jet Plane” and “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” this was I-T, in feathered hair. My younger brother’s musical selections — These included classics by Donald Duck, Alvin & the Chipmunks, and Wonder Woman’s theme song. I admired his musical maturity and confidence, especially with the 8-track tapes. Cory Hart, “Boy In the Box” — He wore sunglasses at night. ABC, “How To Be a Zillionaire” — How do I? That K-Tel one with “My Boyfriend’s Back,” “Leader of the Pack,” and “It’s My Party (and I’ll Cry If I Want To)” on it — I find my niche! Alas, I was born 20 years too lat
Read more

You're On My Mind, For $1,000

Image
It has not escaped me that I have a somewhat profuse forehead. Or rather, a fivehead. The “high forehead” was thought to be much attractive in the 15th through 16th centuries, when wealthy gentleladies plucked their way to highbrowed beauty. Admirers took note of the greater brainpan and refined intelligence. (“My, my. Look at thee fo’ead on that one. Hubba hubba.”) Alas, today we no longer live in the Middle Ages, those pox-filled days of easy beauty. Those of us left behind, showing proof of high intelligence as we do, need to make do. So.... One day, a dame with a dome has a bright idea: Advertising Revenue. Then an even better, more refined idea: But a genius idea needs geniuses to buy into it. That’s where you come in. For example, say you’re an overpaid advertising executive. You’re gearing up to promote a dentist, electronics giant, and/or hemorrhoid creme. Or household goods and Sea-Monkeys. I don’t need to explain to you the power of the visual medium. So, without further ado.
Read more