The Unfortunate Cookie

Golden brown and bent at the waist, the Chinese fortune cookies look promising. The crisp hard shell snaps open like a gift, confetti crumblies splashing into my translucent green tea. Tucked away inside is a special message meant only for me. Me. The white slip of paper slides out, scraping against a sharp cookie edge. I unfold it, holding my breath.

A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.

I would say so. But why—why would I?

What I want to know is what I do not know. After-dinner oracle, tell me a fortune that brings my future to me.

You are dreaming. It is time to wake up now.

No. That’s not the speak I expect. Crispy after-dinner treats give insight into their eater’s future, not pithy commentary. Back in the day—not all the way back to scurvy, outhouses, and pinochle either—fortune cookies told fortunes. Real tangible fortunes like Expect miracles in two weeks or A stranger will become your best friend or even You’ve got mail. Just one fortune. That’s all I ask.

Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.

Sigh. Still, there is this subtle honey sweetness, all graham crackery and wholesome. And that tough, magically folded wheat shell. Perhaps I’ve been harsh, perhaps I’ve blamed the message carrier and not the message. Perhaps I—crunch crunch.

Cookie, you are an unfortunate fortune—but you’re a good cookie.



(Get your own fun cookie message from Miss Fortune. You should be so fortunate.)

Comments

Sid Leavitt said…
And you are one smart cookie -- and a good writer.
February 07, 2008
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Anizo 100% Reality Mind

Image
“Anizo 100% Reality Mind.” What this means, I have no idea. A friend found it living in a vending machine on the street in China and brought it back to Boston for me. The one-inch tall yellow plastic guy (I think it’s a he) has a smile, a blue tear, a pair of hand holes, a growth atop his head pierced clean through, and, on his backside, a man getting squeezed between two lines that I hope do not represent butt cheeks. The warning printed on the paper insert commands, “Do not use as lifeguard equipment.” Anizo and I, we’re inseparable. Anizo 100% Reality Mind!
Read more

Illustration Friday: Hide

Image
Maurice’s cunning helped him evade that hungry field sparrow, and in doing so he discovered something new: his special affinity for flowers. He decided to go for it. He attained his Master’s Degree in floral arrangement from Chicago School of Flower Design. Today Maurice owns and manages a successful retail floral operation behind the shed there, to the left of the plastic green leprechaun. This is my drawing for the Illustration Friday ( IF website ) assignment, this time to illustrate "Hide". Click it for a bigger version.
Read more

Beyond MBA: Business Tips From The Memogenda

Image
Are you a mover and a shaker? A decider? Do you put the “man” in “ man agement” (and in “wo man ”)? Duh, or you wouldn’t be here today. Now that we’ve finished our three-hour vodka martini luncheon, I’d like to share something important with you. It’s about the Memogenda on your steel gray decision-making desk. The spiral notebook in embossed Leathertex paper. I don’t care what Irish illuminated manuscript calligraphers say, paper is so much easier to write on than dead animal skins. And the Book of Kells could have cut off a hundred years if those monks had Bics. ( At left: Unhappy monks. ) That’s but one reason why I so love my Memogenda ( at right ), and consult it for many a critical business decision. The system is simple to “manage” (har har!) and, if you open to Page 1, you’ll see the necessary instructions. I shan’t go over them. Do it yourself: thanks to the unique Memogenda system...
Read more