What Not To Say On The First Date

  • “I am wearing sacred underwear.”
  • “Honey, you’re in for a real treat tonight: I’m a beekeeper!”
  • “Thank you, thank you! Now, for my next fart I’ll take requests. You, at the back table there, in the big diamonds. Name a song or large animal.”
  • “I’m bilingual: I speak Klingon. nuqDaq yuch Dapol?”
  • “I love cats. You can’t beat a calico kitten for flavor.”
  • “Shush, I’m texting!”
  • “Let me check with my mommy.”
  • “Ooh, the laxative just kicked in.”
  • “This isn’t a date.”
  • “Thou yeasty common-kissing barnacle! Sorry, but I suffer from Shakespearean Tourette’s. Do you like seafood?”

Comments

Flashtrigger said…
The sixth one caught me off-guard and I laughed out loud in public. Now I look like a freak, thanks.
Love the blog...I needed to laugh. Gonna have to post a link to it from mine, now.
February 24, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Yay, I made a freak! That's the most productive thing I've done in a long while. Hee hee! Your comment made my day!
February 24, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
By the by, that “This isn’t a date” line? Used it on my spouse, way before he achieved spouseship. I really do wish I had not.
January 23, 2009
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