The Curse Of 72 Virgins

Nowhere in the Koran does it say anything like, “in heaven, martyrs receive 72 virgins as a reward for their deed.” If Islam’s holy book did say such a thing—which is doesn’t—it would be a threat, straight from the Tippy-top.

The word reward is tricky, see. Remember Mom or Dad’s offer, usually provided as an extra-helpful incentive to straighten up your room—“I’m gonna give you something to cry about!”? If you’d latched onto that give part your young self would have thought, “Oh boy, a surprise gift!” This virgins thing? Just like that.

If a person spends eternity with a gaggle of gorgeous virgins, they’re always gonna be virgins. They gotta stay virgins forever and ever, amen. Otherwise, they’re, um, not virgins. The deal isn’t “72 (people who used to be) virgins.” Non-virgins are definitely not part of the deal. Virgins are.

The moral of this? Don’t be a martyr.

Comments

Anonymous said…
But there are ways of keep them pure and still having 'fun'.

I always wondered who decided 72 was the right number anyway.
July 30, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Sure, for the first couple years that might be okay but eventually there's gonna be trouble. We have high expectations of heaven.

What would be the right number? 72 seems both too high and too low.
July 30, 2008
Anonymous said…
Actually the "virgins" bit is a mistranslation probably caused by wishful thinking.

What the ancient scripture actually says is "72 raisins."

I'd love to see the look on some suicide bombers face when he lines up expecting a bevvy of beautiful virgings and gets a big handful of dried grapes.
August 03, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Raisins are packed with fiber and vitamins. Packed!
August 03, 2008
Forest Kvasnikoff said…
I guess I'd go for raisins...

good post
August 05, 2008
Jenny said…
Raisins are heavenly ...
August 05, 2008
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