Watercumber Cukermelon

The Small and Big Amiglia-maticGeneticists will discover that watermelon (Citrullus lanatus or C. vulgaris) and cucumber (Cucumis sativus L.) are actually the same thing. This hypothesis is based on careful and repeated observation: when I eat too much watermelon—and boy do I (in summertime, I’m a Watermelonologist)—my watermelon burps are cucumber burps. They taste the same, smell the same, feel the same, sound the same, weigh the same, and they’re just as satisfying. A watermelon burp equals a cucumber burp. Sure, the two eatable, vine-growing plants are in the family Cucurbitaceae, but the Amiglia-matic knows that the cucumber is a variety of watermelon.

Comments

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August 01, 2008
Anonymous said…
Whilst I agree in essence with your article I have to say that after many disappointing attempts to come to terms with watermelon the cucumber is a far superior fruit and oh so versatile. Salmon and cucumber, cheese and cucumber, cucumber salad, cucumber sandwiches Mmmmm!
You can't do that with a watermelon, so cucumber must have the edge.
August 04, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Fatsally, I see that you have performed much research into this matter. While I agree with you that cucumber is the more versatile paired-with-other-ingredients fruit, it lacks sweetness, red insides, and that huge splattering radius when dropped from the tops of buildings.
August 04, 2008
Jenny said…
Girl I ate half a (small, seedless) watermelon for breakfast today! I am an oink-oink when it comes to ice-cold watermelon. Anyone else in this house has to be very quick indeed to get any, when I am about. But I do not burp cucumber ... I only do that when I consume cucumber ... am I OK? I want to be like you ...
August 05, 2008
Anonymous said…
Good point, Mr Frederick.
However I can think of some things you could do with a cucumber that you surely couldn't do with a watermelon...

Light- sabre fight anyone?
August 05, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Your burp findings trouble me, Jenny. If your watermelon burps don't taste like cucumber burps, what do they taste like? Although I'm confident in the results the aforementioned quadruple-blind study, perhaps further study couldn't hurt. Watermelon season is nearing a close though. I'd best get eatin'.
August 08, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Touché, Fatsally! But, think how many cucumbers can be stored in a watermelon. Especially one carved into a cute basket with a handle up top. People crave extra storage space.
August 08, 2008
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