Why I Hate Flies

HouseflyFlies love poop. Flies love big poop and little poop and old poop and steamy poop. Flies land on a poop, hang out on poop, wander around poop, have a smoke on poop, meditate on poop, wander around some more on poop, poop on poop, admire the scenery on poop, go to work on poop, come home to poop, take a nap on poop, wake up and say, “Oh boy, poop!” Then they fly over and land on my lip.

(Fly image from GNU)

Comments

Weith Kick said…
There is a kids movie that we took our niece to see called "Fly Me To The Moon." It's new and is probably still in theatres. It's a CGI movie about flies. Flies. Why? Why would anyone make a movie for kids about cute, little flies? It was bad.
September 17, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Proof that they're also poopy actors. Thank you for the movie warning.

"Fly Me To The Poop" could be a good documentary on houseflies.

If a fly named the movie, it'd be "Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop." There'd be a sequel: "Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop: Number Two."

"Poop Me To The Moon" would be a funny name for a movie. There'd probably be a lot of grunting in it.
September 17, 2008
Dave said…
It begs me to question why you had poop on your lip?
September 18, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Hee hee! Scientists are researching the cause.
September 18, 2008
Anonymous said…
Fly kisses aren't all that bad! What's a little peck on the lip in return for a job well done? They serve their purpose, and are Mother Nature's quintessential clean-up crew, doing a mighty awesome job of picking up after the slobs of this planet. Flies are cool!

Now, about those dogs... They poop, sniff their own and any animal's poop, making darn sure to touch the poop with their wet nose. They then lick that nose "clean", and wander over to show their affection and want to slobber all over your hand, face, whatever you let them get at. Not!!!!

And, how about those cats? They daintily poop wherever they feel is appropriate for the event, neatly covering up the evidence, or no, with whatever happens to be aroundt. Oops, did they happen to catch a piece of poop with that paw? Oh well, a little lick of the paw will fix that right up, just before they wander in and position themselves in a conspicuous location for maximum viewing, stretch their hind paw way over their head to demonstrate their flexibility, and proceed to lick the offending posterior area "clean". And now, for the piece de resistance! They're ready to track you down to offer that tender smooch of your hand, face, and body part du moment. NOT!!!

Did I mention that those cute little furry critters and their loving owners are the very creatures responsible for abandoned urban poop, providing the work for those hard working flies?

True love is being kissed by nature!
December 13, 2010
P.L. Frederick said…
Anonymous, you aren't by any chance an actual fly, are you? Because if 30 of them got together (one for each letter of the alphabet, plus the shift, period, comma, and apostrophe keys) and were like, fly body building champions, they could have pushed those little keyboard keys down and typed your comment.

Regardless, you do have a point. Many points. Insects are generally looked down upon by us mammals. I'm glad folks like you are around to remind us. Because cats are also disgusting, as my true nightmare tale of cat poo tells, and dogs are also disgusting.

Let's get to the bottom of this: perhaps it is poo that is misunderstood. If we humans could learn to love and appreciate poo as much as the rest of the creatures of Earth do... flies would be revered. I can see it now: in every city park, a bronze statue of Washington astride a giant fly.

So in closing, let's hear it for the fly, nature's hard working helpers! (In exchange, please, houseflies of the world, no lip landings.)

(Thanks very much for your thought-provoking comment, Anonymous. Stop by any time!)
December 14, 2010
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