There Is One Disturbing Element To This Pumpkin Growing Business

The Small and Big Amiglia-maticThe pamphlet says here that the vines “will take over your garden and yard” and “grow 40-50 feet.” Forty to fifty feet? That’s like raising a giant squid. The hard way. Because, according to my calculations:

Cost of three giant pumpkin seeds: $5.

Cost of tractor and fork-lift attachment to handle pumpkin: $20,000.

Giant pumpkin rotting in my front yard, its tendrils clinging to my home, grasping through my windows: priceless.

Comments

Dave said…
Why don't you just buy a giant oven. Bake it till it goes rock hard and then live in it.

You really didn't think this through, did you? Hmmm?
October 10, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Hm, you have something there, Dave. $20,005 for a new house is a good deal. I could maybe grow a barn and an in-law apartment out back, too.
October 11, 2008
Dave said…
That’s it! Now you’ve got it. Big and Small ways to use up all the pumpkins.

The Empire State Pumpkin.

The Eiffel Pumpkin

The Royal Opera Pumpkin.

The Taj Mahpumkin

You’re going to be rich beyond your wildest dreams.
October 11, 2008
P.L. Frederick said…
Taj Mahpumpkin! Hah ha ha! Dave, you give so many fun ideas for future posts. "Taj Mahpumpkin!"
October 12, 2008
Dave said…
LMAO. I never thought my utter stupidity would come in useful for anything.

And of course I meant the Sydney Opera Pumpkin. Not the Royal Opera Pumpkin (too vague as a reference) :)

I just love your sense of humour. You crack me up.
October 12, 2008
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Anizo 100% Reality Mind

Image
“Anizo 100% Reality Mind.” What this means, I have no idea. A friend found it living in a vending machine on the street in China and brought it back to Boston for me. The one-inch tall yellow plastic guy (I think it’s a he) has a smile, a blue tear, a pair of hand holes, a growth atop his head pierced clean through, and, on his backside, a man getting squeezed between two lines that I hope do not represent butt cheeks. The warning printed on the paper insert commands, “Do not use as lifeguard equipment.” Anizo and I, we’re inseparable. Anizo 100% Reality Mind!
Read more

Illustration Friday: Hide

Image
Maurice’s cunning helped him evade that hungry field sparrow, and in doing so he discovered something new: his special affinity for flowers. He decided to go for it. He attained his Master’s Degree in floral arrangement from Chicago School of Flower Design. Today Maurice owns and manages a successful retail floral operation behind the shed there, to the left of the plastic green leprechaun. This is my drawing for the Illustration Friday ( IF website ) assignment, this time to illustrate "Hide". Click it for a bigger version.
Read more

Occupations I'd Like To Have For 24 Hours

Wrecking Ball Operator Cotton Candy / Stratocumulus Cloud Sequoia Tree Hobo Big Time Philanthropist Mosquito Yahweh Cross Country Big Rig Driver Keystone Cop Not-Allergic-To-Poison-Ivy Person Megaballs Lottery Winner Time Machine Operator Ruby-Throated Hummingbird, Wintering In The Yucatan Carnie Barker Dutchess
Read more