How To Become A 'Wonk' In 4.5 Easy Steps

  1. From undisclosed location, take photographs of famous personages

  2. Photoshop said photos

  3. Post photos to high-profile, heavily trafficked blog, or whatever you can get

  4. A) Hope, hope, hope! and/or,
    B) Engage services of witch doctor

So you wanna be a wonk, do you? That’s cool, or phat, stupid, ignoramus, or whatever word it is kids use nowadays to denote spiffiness. There is a 100% guarantee* that following the above process will result in your Wonkdom. Case in point: It made me a wonk. Actually, a wonk and a wag. (This is a good thing because how could I choose between wonking and something to do with a dog’s hind end?) You see, I know because it was mentioned in the, ahem, thee Huffington Post. The article is, “Exit Stage Right: Cheney Wheels Off to Thunderous Applause” by one Randall Amster, and in said text I am guilty by association. It goes thusly, and I quote verbatem without changing one word, which is not my habitual practice I promise:
“True, Cheney’s little wheelchair escapade at the inauguration did receive some clever input from policy wags and wonks, comparing him to Mr. Potter of It’s a Wonderful Life fame, the evil chair-bound banker who drives the kindly George Bush — er, George Bailey, that is — to financial ruin.”

Guess what happens when you click “comparing him to Mr. Potter”? Guess! Then click! Yes, yes, that clicks to my post! I’m tearing up. Where’s a Kleenex?

Randall Amster, I salute your profound insight and intelligence. To all those out there diligently wonking away, I salute you. And I have these final words of advice to share: Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang.

* By the witch doctor.

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