12 Conveniences That Would Be Illegal If Invented Today

CONVENIENCE	WHY IT’D BE ILLEGAL TO INVENT TODAY
Gun	“I have an idea for causing bodily harm and/or death. With a fancy display case, I can sell it at Wal-Mart.” Whoop, whoop, safety alert!
Suction Cup Bow & Arrow	While good for hand-eye coordination, paired with hip boots and a kerchief it’s a serious fashion faux pas.
Food	Leads to a dangerous pastime called obesity.
Chainsaw	Its high school class voted the motorized rotating chain of ripping metal Most Likely To Partially Remove Limbs And Leave Them Dangling.
Bowling Ball	Too heavy, rollie, communal finger-hole filth.
Water	Didn’t the Roman empire end because of lead in the drinking water? This is also probably behind the Italians inventing pizza, dangerous pizza (see above).
Parrots As Pets	That sharp beak, your eye. There’s a reason pirates wore eye patches.
Semicolon	Confusing; vicious.
Motorcycle	When balancing your soft carcass atop a two-wheeled engine rolling along at 80 mph, why bother with the helmet? (Note: This might be acceptable if mankind had an external carapace.) Which reminds me...
Horseback Riding	Sitting astride a half-ton muscle machine with its own opinions as to where y’all should be headed? Suicide! Add muleback and cowback riding to this list.
Fire	Danger of fire.
Anything Done At A Circus	Tightrope walking, trapeze swinging, lion taming, corndogs.