I Crossed A Line At Building #19

As a fan of Building #19 (motto: Good Stuff Cheap) (and where it helps to believe Cheap Stuff Good), even I had sworn that I would never, ever, ever purchase food there. Ya-uck. Busted up cartons of pie, next to tires and Maxim magazine hair dye. Sure, I’d buy food at Ocean State Job Lot (Peace mango peach passion cereal, $2.50). The Lot is nearly as icky as the #19, but right next door is the name-brand grocery selling the same cereal ($6.50) and so it’s like they’re GIVING me $4 a box.

Tonight that all changed. I walked in and the food aisles were GLOWING. They’d been moved to a separate area, well-lit and a good 40 feet from the dusty wool area rugs (no price because I’m allergic). There I was, traipsing under Jerry Ellis’s larger-than-life caricature, my rusty Meijer’s store shopping cart jammed with gluten-free pretzels (Ener-G sesame pretzel rings, $0.39) and orange chocolate chip cookies (Newman’s organic, $1.29). I had to stop twice to tear off the brown tape impeding the back wheels (or was that really thick toilet paper (generic brand, $1.39)?).

Maybe it was the economy. Or maybe it was inevitable, like a gay man’s fateful appreciation of show tunes, whether he likes it or not. (It starts with Shirley Basey. She’s FABulous.) Either way, I crossed a line at Building #19.