English And The Grave Language

If the English language made any sense at all, grave and gravy would be closely related words. Gravy would be a cute nicknamey sister of grave. As in, “Grampa’s gone gravy.” or “That vampire just isn’t gravy enough for me. Gimme that pointy stick.” And gravel would be the stuff used to fill in a grave, like it is, but you’d pronounce it with a long a, like navel: GRAVE-el. Way cuter. So now we come to graven. That would be the visiting part. Instead of “going to visit” Grandpa or the deceased vampire you’d say you’re “goin’ graven.” It’s sportier, like an Olympic event.

The downside to all this is that Eatin’ Gravy would be renamed animal oil juice. But you shouldn't be consuming that stuff anyway, unless you want the early gravy.

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