The Dictionary Must Be Wrong

My definitions are closer to the truth of the words. Do not thouest concur?
  1. Buttress: big booty support system

  2. Closet: what my cat does to my furniture, drapes, and the dog

  3. Contractor: someone with a prison record and a John Deere

  4. Delicate: a pastrami-shaped feline

  5. Divest: snazzy burial attire

  6. Friendship: the best cruiseline

  7. Gumbo: Gumby’s toothless twin brother

  8. Fandicap: good with hats

  9. Hermit: what a female teammate uses to catch balls

  10. Inspire: to cause to sweat internally

  11. License: the pleasing aroma produced when lice are burned

  12. Manifest: a carnival of men; usually involves naked oil wrestling or a chili cooking contest

  13. Moral: to need more L’s

  14. Pigment: the other white concrete

  15. Shampoo: cute, fake excrement

  16. Synonym: to sing the dirty parts of a hymn

  17. Relax: what to do after the first dose of laxatives doesn’t kick in

  18. Rooftop: a dog’s head; the best petting spot on Spot

  19. Treason: a straping sapling; a whippersapling

  20. Tulips: what chickens don’t have
This assignment was to—you guessed it!—take a word and make up a humorous definition for it.

For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny? Image from Michigan.gov.

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