The Dictionary Must Be Wrong

My definitions are closer to the truth of the words. Do not thouest concur?

1. Buttress: big booty support system


2. Closet: what my cat does to my furniture, drapes, and the dog


3. Contractor: someone with a prison record and a John Deere


4. Delicate: a pastrami-shaped feline


5. Divest: snazzy burial attire


6. Friendship: the best cruiseline


7. Gumbo: Gumby’s toothless twin brother


8. Fandicap: good with hats


9. Hermit: what a female teammate uses to catch balls


10. Inspire: to cause to sweat internally


11. License: the pleasing aroma produced when lice are burned


12. Manifest: a carnival of men; usually involves naked oil wrestling or a chili cooking contest


13. Moral: to need more L’s


14. Pigment: the other white concrete


15. Shampoo: cute, fake excrement


16. Synonym: to sing the dirty parts of a hymn


17. Relax: what to do after the first dose of laxatives doesn’t kick in


18. Rooftop: a dog’s head; the best petting spot on Spot


19. Treason: a straping sapling; a whippersapling


20. Tulips: what chickens don’t have

This assignment was to—you guessed it!—take a word and make up a humorous definition for it.

For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny? Image from Michigan.gov.