Letter To My Dearest Photographic Picture Taking Device

My dearest Photographic Picture Taking Device,

Camera It has been three days since I spied your Silvery Metallic Sheen displayed on eBay. In that Moment I wanted you, yearned to Possess you as my very own. What a Macro button you claimed to have! Oh, the yearning to intimately record the Visual Nature of my Award-winning Begonias and Morning Oatmeal for the entire Blogosphere. Click, click, click! I was Titillated at the thought of pressing your smooth, yielding Button. Sadly, something came between us. As in any great love story, Lover meets Lover and Lover loses Lover because She’s too Expensive. The proposed Cost of you as dictated by that famous Auction House was, shall we say, “My, my, my!”—a sum beyond even my Considerable Financial Ability. I recall now my sorrow as I turned my eyes from your single black eye, salty Tears sliding down my face like the Tears of a Clown. A sad Clown, not a happy Clown. A sad Clown who has left his or her Love on some Distant Shore or Circus. Moments later—Oh, beautiful Muse!—there you were over on Amazon. You had sashayed over to the Online Shopping Extravaganza and put yourself up for sale at Considerable Savings. Lover, you won me back and I danced in Merriment in my oversized red Clown shoes that are Symbolic.

Honeybuns, we shall soon be together! But not too soon as free shipping takes weeks.

Yearningly Yours,
P.L. Frederick, Esq.

Camera image from Amazon.com.

Comments

Anonymous said…
l hate when lovers cost to much. Still if you will insist on electric ones...
October 20, 2007
Maureen said…
Har! The fates smiled upon you both and joined you shall be. I cannot wait to see the results of this happy union.
October 21, 2007
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You're On My Mind, For $1,000

Image
It has not escaped me that I have a somewhat profuse forehead. Or rather, a fivehead. The “high forehead” was thought to be much attractive in the 15th through 16th centuries, when wealthy gentleladies plucked their way to highbrowed beauty. Admirers took note of the greater brainpan and refined intelligence. (“My, my. Look at thee fo’ead on that one. Hubba hubba.”) Alas, today we no longer live in the Middle Ages, those pox-filled days of easy beauty. Those of us left behind, showing proof of high intelligence as we do, need to make do. So.... One day, a dame with a dome has a bright idea: Advertising Revenue. Then an even better, more refined idea: But a genius idea needs geniuses to buy into it. That’s where you come in. For example, say you’re an overpaid advertising executive. You’re gearing up to promote a dentist, electronics giant, and/or hemorrhoid creme. Or household goods and Sea-Monkeys. I don’t need to explain to you the power of the visual medium. So, without further ado.
Read more

Anizo 100% Reality Mind

Image
“Anizo 100% Reality Mind.” What this means, I have no idea. A friend found it living in a vending machine on the street in China and brought it back to Boston for me. The one-inch tall yellow plastic guy (I think it’s a he) has a smile, a blue tear, a pair of hand holes, a growth atop his head pierced clean through, and, on his backside, a man getting squeezed between two lines that I hope do not represent butt cheeks. The warning printed on the paper insert commands, “Do not use as lifeguard equipment.” Anizo and I, we’re inseparable. Anizo 100% Reality Mind!
Read more