Mrs. Malaprop's Affliction: Part I

According to Wordnet, malapropism means "the unintentional misuse of a word by confusion with one that sounds similar." I do it all the time. But never on purpose. For this portion of my learning to be funny I've got to figure out how to do it on purpose. This assignment is to make a sentence with one incorrect word and no attempt at being humorous (that I can do!). Here are my tries.

1. At the farm I petted a donkey and a lava.
   (Let's hope it was actually a "llama.")


2. Be careful around that llama. She'll shirt you in the eye.
   (The speaker meant to say "squirt" instead of "shirt.")


3. For winter, the vampire bought a fancy new fur escape.
   (A "cape" would be more wearable than "escape.")


4. There are 206 bones that make up the human gelatin.
   ("Gelatin" should be "skeleton.")


5. My astrological sign? I'm an Aquarium.
   ("Aquarium" should be "Aquarius.")


6. This holiday, the whole family's taking a long, restful vaccination.
   (Meant "vacation" instead of "vaccination.")


7. After she started exercising, her weight decreed substantially.
   (The speaker meant to say "decreased.")


8. Plymouth is the largest country in the state of Massachusetts.
   (Instead of "country" it should be "county.")


9. Although I don't know if the cause was the dog or the cat, I'd have to say it was the ladder.
   (Meant to say "latter.")


10. Planning their wedding became so stressful that the couple decided to antelope.
    (Actually, they "eloped.")


11. Jack is such a workaholic that even on weekends you can find him at the orifice.
    (Er, hopefully that should be "office.")


12. Every year the college raises intuition by 10%.
    (The speaker meant to say "tuition.")


13. Our romantic picnic lunch was carried away by a colony of tiny pants.
    (The speaker meant to say "a colony of tiny ants.")


14. My mom performs with the orchestra tonight. She's a concert penis.
    (Sorry, Mom! We know you're a "pianist.")


15. Monkeys in the zoo are so funny! I never giraffed so much in my life.
    (Wanted to say "laughed" instead of "giraffed.")


16. The climbers made a quick consent from the mountain.
    (The speaker meant "descent" instead of "consent.")


17. That's one colorful family, from the kids on up to the parrots.
    ("Parrots" was accidently used instead of "parents.")


18. I slipped and fell on my big butter.
    (Oops! The speaker actually fell on their "butt.")


19. Then a dog ran up and bit me on the mutt.
    (Wouldn't you know it? Then her sore "butt" was bit too.)


20. Even rebellious young men should love their grandpants.
    (But they should love their "grandparents" even more.)


21. I love the Internet. I'm even a blobber.
    (Except that it should be "blogger.")


22. Muddy water shot out of the gutter in a huge torment.
    (Meant "torrent.")


23. The musician warmed up by strumming his cigar.
    (Which should be "guitar.")


24. Let's go to the corner malt shop—I'll buy you a delicious sofa.
    ("Sofa" should be "soda.")


25. The college president stood before the local community and made a stirring pubic speech.
    (It should have been a "public" speech.)


26. That acorn that just fell from the oak is a little treason.
    (The correct word and the pun would be "is a little tree's son.")


27. When lions fight, things can get real category.
    (Here, the speaker meant to communicate that "things can get real cat gory." Or some such.)

Okay, technically those last two were something altogether different. Hee hee!

For me, this exercise is formative. Er, informative.

For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?