Mrs. Malaprop's Affliction: Part II

1. Monkey see, monkey doo-doo.
   (do)


2. I can't follow a map. I always was bad at choreography.
   (cartography or geography)


3. The fashion model's getting a faceloft and breast transplants.
   (facelift and breast implants)


4. See no, hear no, speak no Evel Knievel.
   (evil)


5. At the hospital cafe I ordered a banana splint.
   (split)


6. I think kids are exposed to too much violins on televison.
   (violence)


7. A big raindrop landed on my lip but it turned out that it's snot.
   (not)


8. In order to see well enough to drive my car, I cleaned off the weirdos.
   (windows, but occasionally weirdos can be correct)


9. A nose by any other name would smell as sweet.
   (rose)


10. Puffing on a cigarette, the cowboy spoke with a slow withdrawl.
    (drawl)


11. We just bought a brand new Ford Tortoise. It's green.
    (Taurus)


12. Even with a war on, today's public libraries are filled with looks.
    (books)


13. After the study was complete scientists began tantalizing the data.
    (analyzing)


14. Support your community: buy and eat loco.
    (local)


15. Uncle Carl loves to talk and tell stories. He sure can spin a yawn.
    (yarn)


16. To make tea, be sure to confuse the water with herbs.
    (infuse)


17. To overcome his coke habit the actor went into Botox.
    (detox)


18. Each of us has a porpoise in life.
    (purpose)


19. Some families paint their walls. Mine is painting over our feelings.
    (ceilings)


20. Beekeepers are concerned about the effects of global swarming.
    (warming)


21. The tedium is the message.
    (medium)


22. Dad used to tell us, "Never take brandy from strangers."
    (candy, but brandy is sound advice too)


23. Some people only look on the blight side of life.
    (bright)


24. The win was another feather in his crap.
    (cap)


25. There'll be a special weather report on tonight's evening snooze.
    (news)


26. My husband and I had the best time at Viagra Falls.
    (Niagra Falls also works)


27. Drunks tend to slump over, largely due to scoliosis of the liver.
    (cirrhosis)

The second portion of this malapropism thing was fun. In this one I followed the book's instruction to use a "sound-alike word that generates a different meaning."

For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?