One Person's Idiom Is Another Person's Straight-Line

1. I've got a memory like an elephant. This also explains my big painted toenails.


2. "Gimme a break! A big break," yelled the hotshot young orthopedist.


3. I hear that drinking like a camel increases your chances of being humped.


4. Think outside the box: avoid allergies to cardboard.


5. In his job he wears many hats. He enjoys it though; it hides the bald spots.


6. Don't cry over spilt milk, unless it's breast milk.


7. Whoever said "life is not fair" probably didn't enjoy carnivals much either.


8. I may be over the hill but at least I'm not under arrest.


9. If there's no such thing as a free lunch, who's enslaving them all?


10. Who would want a bee in their bonnet? Bonnets are ugly.


11. A picture is worth a thousand words but I'm tired of reading.


12. Remember, anyone claiming to be as busy as a bee has 29,000 assistants.


13. Wow, that man is a tall drink of water! Luckily, my doctor recommends 8 a day.


14. She didn't just raise Hell, she gave it an allowance and sent it to college.


15. Judging by my bank account, running a rabbit farm is only hare raising.


16. Time is money. If that's true, spend it wisely. Ponder this: a one-to-one exchange rate is $24 a day, tops.


17. Jake wears his heart on his sleeve, and his butt on his head.


18. I'm dumber than a doorknob, but not dumber than a door without a doorknob.


19. My boss at the orange juice factory wants everything to run like clockwork. Her name for this new policy? Clockwork Orange.


20. I do solemly swear. I also swear just for the fun of it!

For this one I took common phrases and turned 'em into amusements. Tried to, anyway. For the backstory on why I'm doing this, read my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?