That Goes With This

For my next comedic trick I will attempt to come up with jokes about: A) a motorcade of 49 cars, and B) Important People horseback riding in the rain. Quiet please. I require absolute quiet. This stunt is quite dangerous. (Insert drum roll...)

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A Motorcade Of 49 Cars
The back story: Seems that way back in the 20th Century, in 1988, the head of Russia visited New York City. Mikhail Gorbachev visited many tourist attractions and made official visits. Thing is, he travelled everywhere in NYC with a motorcade of 49 cars. Now, I’m to create a list of 15 concepts that have to do with a motorcade. This’s supposed to trigger joke inventions on my part. First, me list.

List of 15: rich man’s subway; designated drivers; going to Dunkin’ Donuts; parade; trying to impress the girls; car sale, buy 1, get 48 free; traffic jam; funeral procession; gas and gas prices; finding parking spots; “I left my wallet in... which car?”; playing follow-the-leader; watching a line of ants; deciding which car to ride in; back when ‘green’ meant not taking 50 cars.

And here are five jokes I came up with, based on items from the list:

“Gorbachev likes to prove that anything the U.S. can do, he can do better. When visiting NYC he even brings his own traffic jam.”

“In 1988, New Yorkers were comrades in a street game of follow-great-leader.”

“The trouble with traveling by motorcade is keeping one car filled up with parking quarters.”

“Gorby really likes his vodka. Once he had 49 designated drivers.”

“What’s with all the complaining about fuel prices? For over 20 years they’ve stayed the same. Gas and coffee used to cost a buck apiece. Today they’re $4 apiece.”

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Okay, one down. Continue with the silence, please.

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Horseback Riding In The Rain
The back story: Once upon a time, Queen Elizabeth II visited President Reagan’s ranch. They were set to go horseback riding but heavy rains threatened to cancel the riding. (Oh no!) Here are things that might allow someone to go riding in the rain.

List of 15: ride in the house instead; ride inflatable, floaty horses; have servants ride in their place; put the horses in canoes; horses with water skis; wear wetsuits; horses with built-in umbrellas; take the presidential porpoises instead; go kayaking instead; take Jesus horses: they walk on water; swim side saddle (side-saddle breast-stroke); order the rain to move on; ride seahorses; get a horse with paddles; put the top up.

And now, five jokes based on the above list:

“Despite the downpour, the President and Queen are still going riding. They’ll take the presidential porpoises.”

“Instead of riding horses, the President and Queen decided to travel by canoe. The hard part is keeping the horses from standing up.”

“When the Queen and President go horseback riding in the rain today, I’m sure they’ll put the top up.”

“Despite the torrential downpour, the brave leaders will go horseback riding. They have servants to do that for them.”

“The Queen and President are horseback riding in the rain. They’re taking Jesus horses, which are specially bred to... walk on water.”

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Thank you, thank you! I am a highly untrained professional at this joke writing thing. I coulda lost a finger.

For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?