This Doesn't Go With That

Opposites attract. My next assignment, according to the Comedy Writing Workbook, is to oppositize what I last did. I create jokes that are based on being totally unlike a 49-car motorcade; why Important People cannot ride in the rain. I don’t quite understand it either but here goes.

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A Motorcade Of 49 Cars
Again, the back story: Back in 1988 the head of Russia visited New York City. Mikhail Gorbachev visited many tourist attractions and performed official business. Thing is, he travelled NYC in a motorcade of 49 cars. Now, I’m to create a list of 15 things you wouldn’t associate with a motorcade, that aren’t like cars being driven as a unit.

List of 15: broken-down car; a school bus; test driving a new car; backing out of the garage; a parking ticket; sneaking around; a mobile home trailer; locking keys in the car; dead battery; a clown car; hitting a tree; renting a van; fresh apple pie; bugs on the windshield; teenager learning to drive.

And five jokes I wrote based on this:

“With a motorcade, when one car breaks down you’ve got a spare.”

“If a clown car seats 312, how many does Gorby’s motorcade seat? Just one.”

“The closest I’ll get to having my own motorcade is inventing Motorcade™, the sports drink for engines.”

“Now that’s a 49ers fan.”

“Gorbachev is definitely being bugged. Look at those windshields.”

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Hm. I found doing opposites much easier. Who’da thunk it. Now for thee second part...

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Horseback Riding In The Rain
The back story: Queen Elizabeth II once visited President Reagan’s ranch. They planned to go horseback riding but heavy rains threatened to cancel it. I’m to list 15 reasons why they couldn’t go riding in the rain. Like, what horse or equipment make it unsafe?

List of 15: President/Queen melt in water; horses allergic to water; iron horses rust; sinking in mud; horses capsize; reigns/reins/rains are too long; horses spooked by thunder; lightning rod on queen's crown; horses’ leather coats ruin; hooves waterlogged; slippery footing; no lifeguard on duty; presidential leaks; there’s lightning; horses are short / short out.

Now, for five joke attempts based on any items from the above listy:

“It rained so hard that the Presidential bodyguards were replaced by lifeguards.”

“The Queen refused to ride under current conditions, insisting her crown acts as a lightning rod.”

“There’s no danger of the President and Queen drowning out on the trail: hot air floats.”

“Advisers praised the storm today, and also noted the queen’s long reign.”

“The horse ride in the rain was cancelled due to presidential leaks.”

For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

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