You Know The Date's Over When... (Part 1)

{ Part 1 | Part 2 }

  • Dalmatians keep mistaking him for a fire hydrant. Dogs just know.
  • He licks everything gold and calls it his Midas Touch.
  • He compliments your make-up and cute nose, saying it brings back memories of Clown College.
  • On closer inspection, his head is a ceramic planter and that Mohawk is ornamental grass.
  • He refers to himself as ‘Smurfette.’
  • He doesn’t drink alcohol, but keeps ordering purple nurples from the bartender.
  • His six-pack abs packed up and left.
  • He’s got the long sinewy legs of Kermit the Frog.
  • His lips are thinner and less appetizing than Ragú pizza sauce.
  • His fantasy threesome? George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and whoever’s on the $20.
  • He only smells strong as an ox.
  • He insists he brings good luck. Just keep rubbing his lucky rabbit’s foot.
  • Although he neither ice skates nor roller skates he is an expert cheapskate.
  • The only interest you share is a love of pool... boys.
  • He asks to go to your place after dinner. Shy bladder.


For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?

Comments

Rick Rockhill said…
oh dear.I'd say it was over too!
August 16, 2008
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