You Know The Date's Over When... (Part 1)

{ Part 1 | Part 2 }

• Dalmatians keep mistaking him for a fire hydrant. Dogs just know.


• He licks everything gold and calls it his Midas Touch.


• He compliments your make-up and cute nose, saying it brings back memories of Clown College.


• On closer inspection, his head is a ceramic planter and that Mohawk is ornamental grass.


• He refers to himself as ‘Smurfette.’


• He doesn’t drink alcohol, but keeps ordering purple nurples from the bartender.


• His six-pack abs packed up and left.


• He’s got the long sinewy legs of Kermit the Frog.


• His lips are thinner and less appetizing than Ragú pizza sauce.


• His fantasy threesome? George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and whoever’s on the $20.


• He only smells strong as an ox.


• He insists he brings good luck. Just keep rubbing his lucky rabbit’s foot.


• Although he neither ice skates nor roller skates he is an expert cheapskate.


• The only interest you share is a love of pool... boys.


• He asks to go to your place after dinner. Shy bladder.

For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?