You Know The Date's Over When... (Part 1)

{ Part 1 | Part 2 }

• Dalmatians keep mistaking him for a fire hydrant. Dogs just know.
• He licks everything gold and calls it his Midas Touch.
• He compliments your make-up and cute nose, saying it brings back memories of Clown College.
• On closer inspection, his head is a ceramic planter and that Mohawk is ornamental grass.
• He refers to himself as ‘Smurfette.’
• He doesn’t drink alcohol, but keeps ordering purple nurples from the bartender.
• His six-pack abs packed up and left.
• He’s got the long sinewy legs of Kermit the Frog.
• His lips are thinner and less appetizing than Ragú pizza sauce.
• His fantasy threesome? George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and whoever’s on the $20.
• He only smells strong as an ox.
• He insists he brings good luck. Just keep rubbing his lucky rabbit’s foot.
• Although he neither ice skates nor roller skates he is an expert cheapskate.
• The only interest you share is a love of pool... boys.
• He asks to go to your place after dinner. Shy bladder.

For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?