101 Tom Swifties
A Tom Swiftie is a short joke that uses a slightly different double meaning for an adverb. I found this exercise fun, and not as hard as it might seem. It’s an enjoyable way to expand your humor abilities, from Gene Perret’s book, “How to Write & Sell Your Sense of Humor
.” The one-liner must finish with a word ending in -ly, and that final word can be the real use, a new definition, or a brand new made-up word. You’ll see. Read on, and see how I spent Sunday night. What’s in bold is what I like best.- “I saw a UFO,” he cried spacily.
- “This deodorant ain’t working,” the teen sniffed strongly.
- “Gasp,” his mom whispered faintly.
- “Students, you have 10 minutes to complete this exam,” the teacher said testily.
- “I got my barber’s license!” he said cuttingly.
- “I wonder what it’s like to race the Iditarod,” Lady said doggedly.
- “Cold,” purred Whiskers cattily.
- “My vein doctor says I’m a special case,” Vivian said vainly.
- “I’ve found my ideal model,” the artist mused.
- “Oh that? It’s in the haystack,” he pointed needily.
- “I read your notes,” he sang musically.
- “So I heard,” she said eerily.
- “That’s not allowed,” the tattle-tale told aloudly.
- “Anyone seen my lungs?” he asked breathlessly.
- “I’m never early,” Joe said belatedly.
- “Me neither,” Joe Jr. said lately.
- “Let’s neck,” offered Giraffe longingly.
- “Sorry, I’m stuck in here,” growled Lion cagily.
- “I like a cushy seat,” said Grampa softly.
- “Let’s have another slice of pie then,” Gramma said fatly.
- “I believe in mythical creatures,” Diane said controllingly.
- “How about talking books?” the dictionary asked readily.
- “And tiny winged women?” asked Tinkerbell fairyly.
- “I’m starching laundry,” Dad said ironically.
- “If anyone wants me I’ll be at Marker Market,” Mark said markedly.
- “Is anyone else full of hot air?” the red balloon asked highly.
- “Gravity is hard,” Rock heaved heavily.
- “Oh joy, time for a filibuster,” the Senator puffed airily.
- “I’ll never get to wear a bra,” the girl stated flatly.
- “Don’t make mountains out of molehills,” Aunt Maybelle insisted plainly.
- “Let’s slice up that hot pizza,” Kalvin offered peacefully.
- “I’m against that and my people will fight your pizza to the death,” Jane threatened warfully.
- “I’ve driven too far today,” the trucker said tiredly.
- “And I’ve eaten too much broccoli and beans,” her husband fumed gasily.
- “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Hal said robotically.
- “Nobody’s faster’n me,” Rabbit gushed quickly.
- “So your pretty wife tells me,” Turtle put out slowly.
- “I wish I’d brought my flashlight,” Joe said delightedly.
- “Then we’d be enlightened,” Carl said lightly.
- “May I be of help?” Moon asked brightly.
- “I don’t see your point,” he said blindly.
- “Because it’s the proper suit to wear on my birthday,” said the nudist openly.
- “Please put on these pants,” his mom whispered close-mouthedly.
- “How’ll they know it’s my birthday?” he asked happily.
- “I’m building this for my girlfriend, using only the best sticks and bits,” Mr. Bluebird said honestly.
- “Isn’t he handsome,” Ladybird twittered cheaply.
- “But I came in last place,” Michael said finally.
- “They call me the Ice Queen,” she cracked coldly.
- “So? They call me the Stinky Bishop,” he said cheesily.
- “But I’m actually a kind of Cheddar,” he added sharply.
- “Anyone else for a slice?” she asked cuttingly.
- “Make this font stand out more,” the typographer said boldly.
- “What if you were a ballerina like me?” she posed gracefully.
- “Why don’t you climb up and see me sometime,” Mae West blinked staringly.
- “I prefer not to fly. I’ll stay here on the ground, thank you,” Clay insisted earthily.
- “Your days are numbered,” the insurance adjuster added mathematically.
- “Vroom. I’m a 12-cylinder speedster,” the car said mechanically.
- “I’m fired?” Cathy asked hotly.
- “Let’s build another peat fire,” Glen said repeatedly.
- “You two, hurry up and make me a grandmother,” Ma ordered grandly.
- “I have a monopoly on winning Monopoly,” she said gamely.
- “Bankers ruined all my investments,” retirees and widows cried poorly.
- “And our company won’t give us the retirements we were promised,” they added again tirelessly.
- “Retirement? A lot can change in 40 years,” management insisted amorally.
- “I’m a cardiologist, a heart doctor,” she offered lovingly.
- “I could drink a twelfth glass of water,” Flo sloshed drunkinly.
- “And make it a double,” she said wetly.
- “Why? Why, oh why, oh why? Why why why why-why? Why?” the Riddler asked questionly.
- “Let’s do the teeter-totter, the swings, the slide, the merry-go-round, and dodgeball,” Kylie panted playfully.
- “No fun allowed while you’re on the clock,” her supervisor ordered bossily.
- “Anyone up for a double-chocolate donut?” Max mouthed gnawingly.
- “I could eat a whole dozen Munchkins,” Emma said holily.
- “Oh God,” he swore prayerfully.
- “I’m really ticked off,” Dad hollered frantically.
- “That the dog’s covered in ticks,” he added practically.
- “More buttercreme frosting,” the decorator dripped icily.
- “I seem to have died,” he said lifelessly.
- “Seven days,” she started weakly.
- “I’m pretty sure it’s 365,” he insisted yearly.
- “We are identical twins,” the boys said reflectively.
- “I ate a dentist,” the shark said bitingly.
- “I’ve lost ballast,” the hot air balloon shot upwardly.
- “We’ll give ourselves raises,” managers promised supportively.
- “That’s the last time I exit a window pane,” the saloon cowboy promised painfully.
- “I made fire from flint and a stick,” the Cub Scout said strikingly.
- “Five. Six. Seven,” she said measuredly.
- “To get to the other side,” he joked unfunnily.
- “For two years and 16 months I was lost in the desert,” Lawrence said dryly.
- “I’m allergic to wool,” the shepherd bleated sheepishly.
- “I lost the forest for the tree,” the lumberjack cut woodenly.
- “Ticket prices are cruel,” the theater-goer cried movingly.
- “And the films, so loud we bring earplugs,” the audience agreed earfully.
- “Wait, I’m in the hospital,” she said patiently.
- “Go get ’em!” the coach urged forgetfully.
- “Finally, a clean window,” Dad said clearly.
- “This jelly requires additional sugar,” Katrina said tartly.
- “That doesn’t count,” the numerologist insisted numbly.
- “I know my butt looks big in these pants,” I said assuredly.
- “You have the right to remain silent,” the officer began arrestingly.
- “I found a dime,” the boy cried centennially.
- “I’ll put just one more,” she typed additionally.
If you read all these you get a gold star.
For the backstory on this humor thing, see my previous post, I Can Learn To Be Funny?
Comments