I Want To Write For The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert'Tis true, Dear Reader. I cannot keep a secret from you. I've even written some possible lines for Mr. Colbert to open his show with. What do you think? Which suck? Which are good? Which are from the show itself but I think I thunk it up myself? Here they be:
  1. Lock and load, America. Your only shot at the truth is with the Colbert Special.
  2. Check under your pillow, America, because this Truth Fairy left you a little something extra.
  3. Open wide and say "ahh", America, because I'm going to fix your truth-ache.
  4. America, take my hand. I'm the Boy Scout who'll lead you safely across to the truth.
  5. Who's batting 1000? All home runs. It's me, Babe Truth, and this is The Colbert Report!
  6. Truth. It's what's for dinner.
  7. What softens hands while you do the dishes? The truth. You're soaking in it right now.
  8. Load up on the sperm whale oil and clean your wick, America, because tonight we're burning the midnight oil of truth.
  9. Hello, my name is Stephen and I'm a truthaholic.
  10. Like a rare beautiful butterfly tangled in a net, Truth, I set you free.
  11. (chewing) Tonight's program sponsored by that confectionery treat: Baby Truth candy bar.
  12. This is The Colbert Report... and that's the truth! (sticks out tongue ala Lily Tomlin)
Feel free to print out the best ones and hand deliver them to Stephen with my name on them. Unless he looks angry.

Comments

Anonymous said…
You're good. Just a matter of time ...

N
August 16, 2006
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