10 Surefire Schemes To Make $1 Million

  • Secure a job in manufacturing department of U.S. mint

  • Sell full-color, neon, tattooed advertising space on your forehead or backhead

  • Place $10 in savings account, wait 293 years

  • Become invisible, open Invisible Me Corporation, hire self as CEO—even if the invisible thing wears off, hey you’re pulling a CEO’s salary

  • Buy two million lottery tickets

  • Invent something that sells like hotcakes, only better than hotcakes because who buys hotcakes?

  • Invest in one $1 stock, sell when price hits $1,000,000

  • Find a big rock blocking the sidewalk and pedestrians detouring around it complaining passionately, “Why doesn’t somebody move this stupid #*(+@! rock?”, and, even though you’re exhausted after working your exhausting job exhaustingly, roll that thing off the path because it’s no accident the rock’s there—it’s really a test conducted by the rich man peeking through the hedges who wants to reward someone, anyone, who cares enough about other human beings to move a heavy stone out of the way and underneath the rock is a hole full of money

  • Something naked

  • Purchase $1 million life insurance policy, croak

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