Everything I Learned From My Cat: A Blueprint To A Happy Life

• Purr while awake, while sleeping, and when somebody steps on your tail.
• All clothing is suspect and torture. A nice necklace is okay.
• Lick your own butt.
• You don’t always have to land on your feet.
• Ice cream is worth the wait.
• If you gotta accidently wee wee, do it where somebody slips in it.
• Run away. If that doesn’t work out stick up for yourself.
• Sleep around, sleep with whomever’s available. Do it 18 hours a day.
• Rush to meet friends and strangers. When the opportunity presents itself stick your butt in their face. Leave it like that as long as possible.
• Sometimes it’s okay to eat until you throw up.
• When embarrassed, lick your shoulder.
• Given a choice between any two items, pick the nearest. Even when it’s grasshopper versus chipmunk.
• Follow your sunshine.
• Yeah, so there’s turd between your toes. So what? It’ll come out.
• Avoid the weekly nail appointment.
• The adventure’s not over ’til you’re covered in cobwebs. (Also, spiders are delicious.)
• At least once in life, poop where only an archaeologist will find it.