Small & Big

Feelin’ cosmic and story-fied today. Above is the collage I put together for the current assignment over at Illustration Friday (click it for a bigger view). It combines an ancient creation story and the Orion nebula, which is a good 1,500 light-years from Earth. In the night sky Orion is the brightest spot in the sword of the constellation Hunter. The bird knows. This is my answer to Illustration Friday’s ( IF website ) assignment to illustrate “Tales and Legends”. With help from a spectacular NASA image called Chaos at the Heart of Orion and two cuts from Briar Press . The text is adapted from an Aborigine creation story .

I took a test and I took it twice. By way of a highly scientific (though secret) process, the test tells me definitively what sort of flower I am. As you can see from the findings I'm not so easy to pin down. Perhaps it's my penchant for letting the cat answer questions by stomping on the keyboard? FIRST TEST RESULTS... I am a Sunflower When your friends think smile, they think of you. There is not a day that goes by that you can't find something good about the world and your fellow human. SECOND TEST RESULTS... I am a Daffodil You have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard. Does this make me Sundil or a Daffoflower? And what kind of flower are you?

Can you match the name of the spammer with the important email they sent to me? Spammer Zuzar Knuckles Booker Wiggins Clifton U. Pickett Coy Honeycutt Crystal Ramsey Hilario B. Levine Jaime Bonner Sohrab Gandy Orli Wigfall Myron Begay Mia Bowling Dorotheos Werts Zenaida Kitty Whitfield N. Net Thaddeus Light Email Subject Don’t be shame for reason of of your instrument You wins $32,000,000 cash!!! Big Male Aggregate Great male device is the fact that all girlfriend like. Umar investment Explode your email open rates Heard you were fired MarylouBodypartPuffy That your wife speaks, it is necessary to be better Attn: BENEFICIARY Important internet warning Sick disgusting girl you Won’t believe! Need your help! Mindy’s in town this weekend.. Are you ready? Say NO to being small-sized loser! Answers: A-3, B-14, C-13, D-8, E-1, F-12, G-5, H-15, I-2, J-9, K-11, L-4, M-10, N-6, O-7.

Dear Fiber Supplement Laxative Manufacturer, Your new Berry Burst laxative has got me stuck thinking: Is the “Constipation” and “Burst” combination dangerous in any way? Even though the canister design depicts refreshing colors, three kinds of fruit, and erupting liquid, I’m left with a vague sense of unease. The concepts of bursting and constipation are now floating around in my brain pan like some geriatric splash-and-burn thriller. Sincerely, P.L. Frederick, Concerned Citizen

This book spine caught my eye: All I see is “ ASS FOR (blob). ” Because I have an appreciation for fine literature I snatched up the book to examine it more intimate-like. On the front cover there’s more ass: And dead people. Dead people? Hm, this is curious. I open the crisp dust jacket and read away. Turns out the thing’s about medieval witch-burning. Silly me, it’s called “ Mass for Arras ”—or at least that was the title before the cheeky graphic designer got to it. This reminds me of a close design call I once had. In the early 1990s I designed a booklet for the University of Michigan’s president. Just before it went to press—after me, spell check, and four others picked through the text and graphics with a finely toothed comb (for the record: lice comb)—by chance, the FedEx guy glanced at a print-out and read, “‘The President is to make the announcement pubic ’?” Ah ha hah! Humorous accidents...

    That’s Bill, against the blue background.

Godzilla Dog (above), Small and Big’s Vice President of External Affairs, demonstrates proper table etiquette: Whilst slurping, keep thy tongue inside thine own drinking cup. Also, keep thy noggin inside thy cup. It has been reported by major news outlets (this one) that Godzilla consults on table manners for The Boston Globe 's equivalent of Miss Manners. Here’s a useful tip from a Miss Conduct bit: Never sure which glass to drink from when seated with people on either side? Make “OK” signs with both hands, tip of index finger to thumb. Your left hand will look like a “b”—for bread—and your right like a “d”—for drink—to remind you where things go. Finally, a use for opposable thumbs. (More about Zilla Dog: Man And The Manchester Terrier )

Stopped off at the Traveler Food and Books last week. Books, books everywhere, and all free for the taking. This Connecticut restaurant is a 1970s retro vibe, minus the bowling alley and disco ball. Food’s decent but leans into the fried spectrum. They do earn points for offering sweet potato fries (McDonald's, listen up!). I could eat my weight in sweet potato fries. In this library you get to talk real loud, lackadaisically spill cranberry juice or beer, and “steal” books. If you’re interested you can read more about Traveler Food and Books at Noumenon. No books were eaten during the making of this post.

Look at me with Simpson Vision and this is purported to be what you see. Just like in real life: my un-chin goes from lip to jewelry bauble. You can Simpsonize yourself at simpsonizeme.com . Do’h!

There's a lot of change happening in New York City. I was in Rockefeller Center in late December and saw a whole lot of it—in 1¢ increments. That's because an art display called Penny Harvest was filled with money collected by elementary and middle school students. Those kids collected $1,000,000 in pennies for charity. One million. Dollars. In. Pennies. The display was as long as a city block: 165' x 30'. Here are a couple photos I took. Woo-boy, those kids made cents! More at the website of the organizers: Common Cents .

How do we do justice to photographic nuttiness? Why, by pairing it with an equally oddball caption. Above is a recap of my 20 caption think-ups. Click each image to spy the caption that goes with it. These photos are something , aren't they? If you're curious where they come from, do check out the comments that go with some of 'em. I think my personal fave is . The photo is wonderfully composed and I got to use two of my favorite words for it.

Professor Higgins demonstrates how to goose a duck

May I wallop you in the gizzard?

So I'm enjoying my weekend, taking a Boston subway to the museum when I look down to see I'm in my Underoos. That explains the backdraft and the $1 someone stuffed in my jacket. Sound like a scary dream? Well on the afternoon of Saturday, Jan. 12, between 3 and 6 p.m., take the MBTA to witness the bravery of No Pants 2K8 . A group called Improv Everywhere is "out to prove that a prank doesn't have to involve humiliation or embarrassment; it can simply be about making someone laugh, smile, or stop to notice the world around them." Underwear everywhere sounds fun. More info from Boston.com's story at Organizers plan 'no pants' event Saturday for the MBTA . Granny panties unite!

For this week’s Illustration Friday I gave 100 percents. This is my answer to Illustration Friday's ( IF website ) assignment to illustrate "100%".

Feeling listless? Nine out of ten doctors recommend that you read this list of Small & Big lists. If that fails, gargle with Listerine. 15 Things I Learned At Art School 20 Sure Signs You're In A Fancy Public Bathroom 20 Reasons To Love Winter 12 Things To Do While Home Sick Today 18 Excuses Not To Go To Work Today The Spoon: Superior Specimen For Eatments Thinkings While Sofa-Bound

"Whoa—too much information!"

Vincent’s collection is complete. Thanks eBay!

GROVER McGILLICUTTY 1880 World Champion Calligrapher & Neti Pot Thrower (And Inventor of Suspendered Underpants)

I wanted a Hot Toddy, not hot Todd.